What I learned – the 2015 Edition

Every year – I review my top blog posts of the year just to give a recap of all that was important and funny to us each month….

I love doing this for two reasons – One is that I get to really take a look back at what resonated with my readers and two is that quite frankly I have amnesia – so it’s a nice way for me to remember what I did for twelve months…..

In January I learned that school-aged children are perfectly capable of making a flipping salad.

When I foolishly signed up to help at the school salad bar and then wisely! “forgot to show up” – the world as we know it almost ended.


It didn’t!!

An entire group of elementary school children were actually able to scoop up their own olives and lettuce!

Imagine that?

Do you think that moms in China are sitting around scooping chickpeas for their children all day?

No they aren’t.  They are learning the violin and how to cure cancer.

"You guys are assholes..."
“You guys are assholes…”

That day I learned that our children are capable of doing a lot more than they do.  How will we know what they are capable of if we don’t let them try?


In February I learned that it’s perfectly normal for old men to walk around in the locker room naked and that we don’t need swim lessons anymore….

When the kids went to their swimming lessons this year, we had reached a point where I felt safe to let them get changed in the men’s locker room without me…That was a mistake.

One time in this horrible environment and Michael famously said….

“We just looked up and like this old man was naked and he was walking right towards us!”


Sam added. “Mom – it was like I just looked up and a wrecking ball was coming right at me.”

That day we quit swimming lessons, and while I don’t think anyone in the Gaga household is going to swim in the Olympics anytime soon….nobody has drowned yet either.

This is what I call a success.

In March I learned that apparently releasing balloons into the sky is not acceptable behavior in polite society.

When “a friend” let go of a bunch of balloons and they got caught in some wires and cause a huge explosion and power outage, many people got right on their high horse to tell me that releasing balloons into the sky is irresponsible.

Apparently restaurants don't like it when their wires do this because of your balloons.....
Apparently restaurants don’t like it when their wires do this because of your balloons…..

I have not    “My friend” has not let go of balloons since.

It’s quite difficult to keep up with all of the stuff I am not supposed to do.

No swearing, no letting my kids play violent video games, no spitting out gum on the street.

It’s exhausting.

I will continue to do many unapproved acts.

But fine, the balloon thing is manageble.

In April I learned that I cannot drink vats of wine and eat carbs with reckless abandon without repurcussions…..

Ok – that’s not a new development – but I was just hoping that the weather has something to do with my girth.

I was in denial.

I foolishly thought in the still of the winter that I could just eat and drink with reckless abandon and nothing would happen…I was wrong.

I will try to not make the same mistake this year. Fingers crossed.

I will break this cycle of denial and stupidity.


In May I learned that …being a mother is a thankless job.

On Mother’s Day I asked my children what they would remember most about me being their mother, and they mentioned that I screamed at them a lot and swore too much.

None of the wonderful things that I do or say for them was mentioned, and I vowed to give up swearing.

By the end of the day when I discovered that they had thrown their baseball “eye-black” stick in with my laundry – the vow to end swearing was over.

Maybe next year.



By early June I learned why I hate the PTO – and you all agreed wholeheartedly!!! 

I signed up to help with a bunch of stupid bullshit.

I went to a bunch of meetings to talk about stupid bullshit.

I agreed wholeheartedly to get a bunch of stupid bullshit done.

And then……

The PTO wanted to just keep having meetings……

about the stupid bullshit that we had talked about getting done.

"That's nice that you're helping ...it's just that ...we wanted to have some more meetings."
“That’s nice that you’re helping …it’s just that …we wanted to have some more meetings.”

So I quit.

Now I have my own stupid bullshit that I pretend to get done.

Lesson learned.

In July I learned that everyone will survive if I don’t make their lunch.

When a friend who has 4 children mentioned that she never makes her children lunch I was inspired.  I despise the pressures of modern-day lunch making and I was thrilled by the idea of throwing caution to the wind.

I am sick of making sure that my children have a balanced and beautiful lunch every day.

Is that a CAR? Made out of a piece of Wonder bread and a two grapes and a cheese??? Seek counseling.
Is that a CAR? Made out of a piece of Wonder bread and a two grapes and a cheese? Or is it a pair of tits??? Seek counseling.

So when Michael and Sam agreed to make their own lunches all summer, and mentioned that they would be making Nutella and pepperoni sandwiches every day…

I said….

Fuck it….

and we all lived happily ever after.


In August I learned that sometimes it is important to take a minute and enjoy the TROPICAL BREEZE!

During the school year it is easy to get caught up with meaningless desires and concerns.

I was so blessed to be sent a delightful raft where I found myself floating away and enjoying life for many summer days…..

That sure is a Mike's Hard Lemonade in my crotch at noon......
That sure is a Mike’s Hard Lemonade in my crotch at noon……

Enjoying life is important.

In September I learned that I am not the only person who does not look forward to seeing those  SEVEN MOMS I WANT TO AVOID ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!

With one million views! this was my most read blog post of all time!!

I was so happy to know that I am not the only one that notices these certain types of moms at school drop-off. *You know who you are….

"Don't wave at me!" "I can see your tits! I will speak to you when you have gotten dressed."
“Don’t wave at me!” “I can see your tits! I will speak to you when you have gotten dressed.”


In October I learned that there are some women that I simply cannot get along with…

That’s a given.

But one sure-fire way to not get along with me is to take my emoji’s the wrong way.

If you cannot understand emoticon language – then we can’t be friends.

A mom friend mentioned that she was offended when she cancelled plans with me and I answered with a “sad face.”

“I know that was meant to be snarky and rude.” she said knowingly.

No......it's a fucking face that's sad. This is just not that hard to figure out.
No……it’s a fucking face that’s sad. This is just not that hard to figure out.

In November I learned that people really waste a lot of energy on the color of their Starbucks’ cup.

When Starbuck’s started putting our eggnog lattes into cups that didn’t have snowflakes on them, everyone in America lost their shit.

People across the country boycotted Starbucks and pronounced them a company that “hated Jesus.”

This was an all-time low for even us stupid over-sensitive Americans.

Here is the 2015 Starbucks red cup. Otherwise known as a papercup from the devil.
Here is the 2015 Starbucks red cup. Otherwise known as a papercup from the devil.

In December I learned that when it comes to men during Christmastime – nothing will ever change….

I reposted a story from last year about how Mr. Gaga doesn’t do a goddamn thing to help me during Christmas, even though this was an old story – nothing changed for me or any of you.

Apparently, year after year us women will continue to do it all with no help or support from our husbands….

In a cruel twist of fate when Mr. Gaga’s irresponsible behavior threatened to destroy Christmas, I relied on the Elf to save the day.  I used him to get an important message to Michael regarding a LEGO mixup at Santa’s workshop and it worked.

Who would think this fucking asshole would save the day??
Who would think this fucking asshole would save the day??

We survived Christmas without a divorce and the Elf is safely put away until next November.

I am so grateful to have had another full year of blogging under my belt and especially grateful to you all that keep tuning in to read each Sunday night or Monday morning….

This year I had over one million readers and over 3000 Facebook likes which makes my heart soar and helps me on Sunday nights to keep plugging away at this little laptop sharing my stories and opinions!



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