Superbowl Week – An open call to eat cheese and potato chips

This is my Superbowl post from last year – I am already collecting frozen appetizers and chips….I don’t even know who’s playing….

 

I don’t really give two shits about football or the Superbowl.

My main focus of the whole event is that apparently we all are given a green light to eat an excessive amount of cheese and chips.

We all feel for some reason that because there are people competing in a football game on our television sets that we should pour queso dip all over our bodies and eat sandwiches that are bigger than our vehicles.  Why do we do this?

Because there are men running around that have trained for many hours and are athletically gifted – I feel it is my duty to eat this…

It makes no sense - if you think about it....
It makes no sense – if you think about it….

It seems as though – many individuals take the opportunity of this blessed event as a green light for all sorts of inappropriate behaviors.

Don’t forget I live in NEW ENGLAND!!

People completely lose their shit around here for the Patriots and for Tom Brady.

Today I was foolish enough to make a trip to the grocery store to pick up a few things.  On top of it being SUPERBOWL SUNDAY it is also the DAY BEFORE ANOTHER STORM, so needless to say the parking lot was a zoo.  When I finally found a spot I had to wait patiently for a woman to load up her SUV with her groceries.  It was taking her forever, so I took a closer look to see what she was trying to desperately to get into her trunk…

Oh I'll just wait here all day while you fill your entire car with Patriots balloons for no apparent reason....
Oh I’ll just wait here all day while you fill your entire car with Patriots balloons for no apparent reason….

When I got into the store- people were running up and down the aisles in complete panic mode, frantically tossing Fritos and dip in their cart with their left hand and milk and bread with their right hand.

I escaped with the essentials….cheese, milk, bread.

I will make a variety of bad foods that have very high calorie counts and  cry at the Star Spangled Banner, wait for Katy Perry to arrive, 

watch the commercials, watch the game with a small group of family members.

When I got back from the store I was so relieved to safely be in my home where nobody cares about the Patriots.  It is very hard to venture into the world on days like today and see the highly disturbing fashion faux pas that are occurring.

Most notably – there is nothing worse than women who wear football attire.   Now what on earth possesses these women to wear clothing that is designed to be worn by a man on a football field?  Is it to support your boyfriend or husband? And if so, does he find you attractive wearing a man’s sports uniform?  Have you considered that you might want to be a man?

Or is it because you want us all to know that you like Tom Brady and you are pretending that you are Gisele by wearing his shirt…..

A shirt that was one of millions manufactured in China and is now sold at Marshalls, and is fact NOT his actual shirt.

Is it because you think it will bring luck to you and inadvertently the team?  Do you think that by you putting a jersey on and making yourself look like a huge “dude” then it will send magic powers to Arizona and make your team win??

That’s just dumb.

Let’s ask this couple who watched the last time the Patriots were in the Superbowl in matching jerseys…

New England Patriots fans watch Super Bowl XLVI in Boston, MA

The football jersey in general is being abused by all sorts of individuals.  The jersey, once a mere piece of a uniform, has become something that everyone feels free to don.  There are many problems with this.

First of all, you do realize that you are not part of the team…so are you pretending that you are on the team??

Or are you wearing it to let everyone around you know that you like the Patriots? Because we don’t care actually.

Also – Why is your pet wearing one??

I mean is this dog an asshole??
I mean is this dog an asshole??

Let’s hope all of this jersey-wearing pays off for these lunatics….

I am off to eat my weight in cheese…..

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *