If we can’t speak emoji with each other – then we can’t be friends.

Since I became a mother ten years ago, means of communication have changed significantly.

In college I didn’t even have email, let alone a cell phone.  As a matter of fact I didn’t even have a cordless phone in college! I had a phone that was attached to the wall with a really long cord.  The base of the phone was a round circle and the phone was in the middle of it. It was called “The Saturn” phone.  That was about as cool as things could get in 1996.

I would just lay in my bed and talk to people for hours – attached to the wall. Doing nothing at all except engaging in conversation.

madgephone2
I can’t imagine having all this time to engage with others….

 

As modern technology evolved, and email and cell phones were introduced into our lives, we were a generation that had to acclimate.  We weren’t really old and hopeless, but we aren’t really young either.  I personally had a flip phone for years, I couldn’t access the internet or see pictures or images, and I didn’t care because I didn’t know what I was missing.

Slowly I began to embrace social media and all that it encompasses.   Well….not all…..

I started 2 blogs, I created 5 Facebook accounts for various reasons, LinkedIn and Instagram.

I tweet, I pin!

Eventually the ways to show people what I like and what I am doing became endless!

Ultimately, the day came when I decided to get an iPhone.  I knew in my heart of hearts that I couldn’t be trusted with such a device, but I went for it.

It was then I became that person that you all hate.

That mother that ignores her children because she’s texting.

That woman in the Dunkin Donuts line who mouths out “Small Hazelnut coffee with milk and 25 munchkins” with her phone clutched to her ear.

That woman in the bank drive-thru who is so annoyed that the bank teller keeps asking questions when I clearly am talking to someone on my bluetooth on speaker in the car.

The person who you are talking to and she is smiling and laughing at something on her phone while you talk.

I am not apologizing – I love my phone.

I don’t care if you hate me.  (You already know that.)

I have to tell you, there’s some fun shit happening on my phone!  The most fun and wonderful part of texting is “emoticoning.”

This amazing invention,(thank you Japan) has enabled me to answer friends and relay messages with light speeds.  A mere

face-throwing-a-kiss

or a:

o-THUMBS-UP-570

says everything you have to say in one quick press of a button.

The young folk have this emoji thing down pat.  My young, cool friends can send me entire messages with just emoticons….

It’s a wonderful timesaver, and also can prove to be hilarious.

Here my cousin tells me that his girlfriend is pregnant and that he asked her to marry him….(he’s so cool that I don’t even have some of his emojis on my keyboard.)

bv

And here my friend tells me that she will be running with me on Thanksgiving morning with her daughter and her two sons and she is super excited to come in first place.

dodd

When I was in highschool a girl I knew got hit by a car right in front of me and some other friends.  She was totally fine – magically – but it was a crazy experience.  Here a highschool friend says that she saw that girl.

nf text

 

I mean who needs words??

And apparently the latest iPhone has new emojis that include burritos and the middle finger!

Is there anything greater?

But it seems I have some problems emoticoning with my motherhood peers.  They seem to struggle with the emoji language.

A friend recently told me that I was overusing the gun emoji.  “It’s just a very sensitive topic – and you don’t know what people have been through in their life – it could be offensive.” she said carefully.

I made a note and never sent her the gun again, even though it’s one of my favorites.

Recently she was using my phone for something – and she noticed my most-used emoticons.

emoji board
“Oh my God! The gun is in your top row!! You are still using it – just not with me!” she exclaimed with horror.

 

“Well – it’s not a real gun!!” I answered defensively.

I had already cut down significantly on the “gun” usage and now I couldn’t believe she was creating tighter gun control laws on my emoji gun!

And then recently someone mentioned that they were offended when they cancelled plans with me and I answered with a “sad face.”

“I know that was meant to be snarky and rude.” she said knowingly.

No......it's a fucking face that's sad. This is just not that hard to figure out.
Um no……it’s a fucking face that’s sad. It means exactly what a frowny face has meant since the beginning of time.

Everyone needs to calm down and take emojis with a grain of salt.  These mothers just can’t seem to get the swing of emoji-ing.

And I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten into trouble for laughing at things that other moms don’t think are funny!

When you see this after I write something - it means "I'm hilarious." or "You are hilarious."
When you see this after I write something – it means “I’m hilarious.” or “You are hilarious.”

Sometimes if I am being bitchy – you will send me something that you think is serious and I don’t.

Then I will say …..

crying laughing

And if you don’t have a sense of humor – you will get mad at that.

Sometimes I laugh so hard I am crying in emoji and I get nothing back. That’s when you know the person has no sense of humor.

Well I am just putting it out there – if you can’t speak emoji with me – then we can’t be friends.

And for those of you offended by my rude phone etiquette in public or take offense to my emoticons over text…..

Screw-You-Emoji

 

 

I’m so savvy!! Soon I’ll be sexting  snapchatting  vlogging? This week please follow me on Instagram!! https://instagram.com/lady_googoogaga/

xo, Lady Goo Goo Gaga

 

 

 

 

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