Halloween…the Downward Spiral

When you have kids, there are little cute happenings, like Halloween that keep you alive.

Day after day passes with just breastfeeding and changing diapers, and you lose your will to live.  And then you wrap your child up in a pirate costume and you think, “He’s so cute! I love being a mother!”

And then… you eat all of his Kit Kats while he’s sleeping for the next 10 consecutive nights and you think “This motherhood thing isn’t so bad!”

But Halloween, like everything else, evolves.  It starts out really cute and fun.  When they are a baby you get to choose their outfit.  You put them into a pea pod outfit that you saw on Pinterest and you take 50 pictures and post it on Facebook and everything is great.

You think when you have children that you will kind of be in charge of things, like costume choices, forever, but it rarely works out that way.  It is quite short-lived.

A pregnant woman recently told me that she already had a plan for Halloween for her unborn child.

“I’m going to be Dorothy, and the baby will be a lion and then I will have a fake Toto in a basket!” she said excitedly, “It will be so cute! I saw it on Pinterest!”

I just nodded in my head in agreement while thinking about just how clueless she was, and how devastated she will be when life with baby isn’t just how Pinterest portrays it to be.

Young mothers envisioning how fun and cute it will be to put their baby into some adorable costume will find themselves, swearing and sweating as they try to twist and turn their bundle of joy into a small uncomfortable torture device  straightjacket  costume.

And even when you get the kid into said costume, if you think he’s going to just like sit on your couch happily like this……

You're wrong....
You’re wrong….

When Sam was 3 years old, Mr. Gaga at some point played “Born in the USA” in his presence and he became obsessed with Bruce Springsteen.  We had to play “Born in the USA” over and over again.  We showed him live footage of “The Boss” and he would watch mesmerized.

Looking back it was a little creepy.

That year a friend was kind enough to give me a $50 Lightening McQueen costume for Sam.  Not having to waste money on a costume for a 3-year-old was a major score and the costume was a beautiful nice quality piece from the Disney Store.

I showed Sam the costume and told him he would be Lightening McQueen for Halloween.  Both boys were in a “Cars” phase anyways – so he agreed wholeheartedly.  He seemed excited about the costume and whenever people asked him about his costume, he would happily tell them he was going to be “Lightening McQueen.”

Halloween night as we prepared to go out for trick or treating Sam had a melt down.

“I want to be the Boss!” he screeched.

After going back and forth for an hour and trying to contort his body into the plush car costume, I gave up.

“Your son, wants to be Bruce Springsteen for Halloween!” I screeched at Mr. Gaga, throwing the Disney costume in the garbage.

I frantically tried to scrape something together that would appease the classic-rock loving monster.

Finally I got him dressed and he was happy.

You won’t find this on Pinterest…..

boss

And now that these boys are older they have very clear guidelines of what they will don for Halloween, and it almost always involves blood and gore.  I actually scream at the top of my lungs when they put these costumes on and come near me.  They are horrible and ugly and not cute or fun.

“I want to be a soul taker,” Michael announced at Party City last year pointing to the wall of costumes.

"Michael no! I mean what is a soul taker? I think it's very bad!"
“Michael no! I mean what is a soul taker? I think it’s very bad!”

I mean we are a far cry away from Bruce Springsteen.

“Can’t you people use your imaginations like Daniel LaRusso?” I asked in the Party City aisle while they clutched their gory costumes.

“Mom – we are not going to be showers…” Michael said rolling his eyes with disgust.

The shower is clearly the best costume at this party.....
The shower is clearly the best costume at this party…..

“Um, he kissed a girl in that shower just so you know,” I said indignantly.  “How about the skeleton costumes that Johnny and his friends wore in Karate Kid?” I asked pointing to the skeleton costumes on the Party City wall.

“Mom you are obsessed with Karate Kid!” Sam said with disgust.

skeleton
These are some bad ass costumes…..(if you lived in the 1980’s.)

So needless to say, we went home with “Soul Taker” costumes and tubes of fake blood.

This was Halloween last year…

And I was complaining…

But I didn’t know that just one year later, my little baby would be in middle school and have little interest in Halloween at all.

“Michael what are you going to be for Halloween?” I asked him yesterday for the hundredth time.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged while looking at his phone, “I’ll just be a Mets player….I have a Mets jersey upstairs.”

“Can we watch Charlie Brown Halloween together at least?” I begged.

They said “yes” in unison – thank God!  Yet, I am sure I am on borrowed time with that one too.

Is there anything happier? Is there anything that makes you more excited for Halloween than the Peanuts gang??

charliebrown-halloween

Met Life just announced they were too cool for Snoopy – and getting rid of him in their ads….  Can you believe the nerve???

How much longer do I have before my kids say the same?

Thank God I still have innocent 9-year-old Sam who is still very much into Halloween.  He asked me to buy him the scariest Halloween costume I could find.

I found the perfect one and I purchased it online – to my delight when it arrived – he was thrilled!!

He agreed it was very SCARY!!

trump

He loves it so much that he’s been wearing it everyday after school.  He has been following us around making the “L” sign with his little hands and saying “Hilary is a LOOOSER.”

This costume is fun.  But….

Dare I say, I would rather be sweating bullets and pushing his little body into a Lightening McQueen car costume!!

What’s wrong with me?

Moms – enjoy the young Halloween years….it goes quick.


I LOVE HALLOWEEN BUT AS KIDS GET OLDER IT GETS SCARY…..PLEASE SHARE ON FACEBOOK THIS WEEK!! xoxo, Lady Goo Goo Gaga

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