Grown Men Shouldn’t Cry in Baseball

There are many reasons why a grown man should not argue with an umpire at a game being played by small children.

First of all – in Goopville, and I imagine in most suburban towns in America – we don’t have an instant replay machine.  Once a play is over – we all just have to try to remember what happened.

Was he out? Most of us parents watching on the sidelines aren’t really quite sure.  Most of the kids on the side of the kid in question will call out that he’s safe.  Most of the kids on the other side will call out that he’s out.  The two coaches will likely say whatever is in their favor.

So sadly we have to rely on some poor old dude that’s been hired by the league for probably $25.  Whatever he says – goes.

In real life, this will happen a lot.  Your teachers will give you a bad grade on an assignment that you thought you aced.  You won’t get into the college that you think you deserve to get into because they don’t think you are smart enough.  Even though your mother tells you that you are a great catch – your girlfriend will dump you and tell you you’re a worthless piece of shit.

When these hard knocks happen to our kids we will have to let them feel the defeat and hopefully, learn the tough lesson that sometimes things just suck.  Life isn’t always fair or just.  Sometimes people will make bad calls and you will suffer as a result.  You will think with all of your heart that you are in – but you are out.

I will do my best to teach my kids to accept defeat with grace and to hold their head high and move forward.  (This is the crux of the lesson in “No crying in baseball.”)

Ok – Maybe you can just make a little comment that shows you don’t like what’s happening – and leave it at that?


Yet, it seems that many parents and coaches missed the “No crying in baseball” memo.  These ego-maniac coaches think they are all Joe Torre coaching the Yankees.

They have chosen to forget the fact that they are simply old nerdy men that never made it to the big leagues.  Now their only hope of fame and glory is bringing their little league team to the playoffs.



Even though there is clearly no technology that would allow an umpire to rewatch the play and reconsider, these narcissistic assholes are so busy pretending that they are in Yankee Stadium, that they run out on the field and argue with the umpire when they don’t like a call!!


Ok maybe technically speaking there are no actual tears.  But the “crying” is clear.  They argue and yell and point their fingers at the plate and the dirt and the sky and make a huge scene and stomp their feet.  All while, mothers sit on the sidelines freezing their asses off wishing the game was over.

While the women are often waiting patiently for the game to be over – the fathers are up against the fence or leaning over the bleachers with looks of sheer devastation on their faces.  Because after all, this is Yankee Stadium and their child is Derek Jeter, so it’s understandable that they would be upset.


Tonight I sat shivering at 7:00 PM thinking about the late dinner and showers and blog writing that needed to be done.  As a typical man that has no worries about dinner or laundry or blogs – this idiotic 50-year-old baby-man coach cried and whined for 15 minutes!! Until finally, the umpire – with no instant replay machine to fall back on – was just so tired and old and probably wishing that he could just go home and eat his supper and not have to listen to this grown-ass man cry anymore….REVERSED THE CALL. The child that was called out at first, jogged back out to first, while the parents and kids on the team cheered.

OK – so what did we learn here Goopville? What are we teaching our children?

When you don’t like how things are going – you should cry and complain and then maybe you will get your way and everyone will cheer for you!

What a great lesson.

Once again, Goopville parents don’t disappoint.

Let me just say – that the only huge old man that should be crying on the baseball field…is this guy.

ump cry


What a disgrace.




2 thoughts on “Grown Men Shouldn’t Cry in Baseball

  1. Lady GGGG,

    I love your blog which I read religiously on Sundays. Familius is re-issuing a book I wrote a while back to while I’ve added a bunch of new pages, The Cheapskate’s Handbook. The book is gluten-free and will, hopefully, make you guffaw, snort, chortle and, during the holidays, blow egg nog out your nose. I’d love to send you a copy ….and can start by emailing some photos from the book, if you tell me where to send them. Of course, ultimately, I’d love a blurb or a review or whatever. I’d also like to mention your blog in a list I’m putting into this book. Let me know what hoops through which I must jump.

    Mifflin Lowe

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