There’s just nothing better than floating in the ocean.
When I was young, my grandfather and uncle owned a tire company. My cousins and I would spend hours and hours in the water on hot summer days, bouncing on an inner tube of a tire from Uncle Joey. There was nothing better.
We would take turns trying to stand up on the tube and count how long we could balance, and we would squeeze on as many of us as possible to float…when we got bored of that, we would take turns spinning each other.
Sometimes, the hard stick nozzle that was used to pump air into the tire would poke your eye out, but aside from that – it was loads of fun.
Well those days are over.
The first thing that happened, was the authentic tire floats that we knew and loved were suddenly deemed dangerous. For no apparent reason,( we all still had our eyeballs) – one summer Uncle Joey came down to the beach with this:
We weren’t fooled. But this was the first sign of trouble. This was a clear sign that the new “safe parenting model” had invaded our lives.
We spent the rest of the 80’s and 90’s floating on fake tires and rafts that were barely able to hold up our bodies….We just….laid still…and floated like losers.
Well thankfully – those days are over.
Kangaroo – is a company that has broken the mold in the pool float category. And now – the “pool float” has become the latest status symbol.
Why would you just float on a fake tire – when you can float on a donut with a bite taken out of it???
I take my floating very seriously. Last year I spent much of my summer floating on a huge island, but this year I am just too tired for lugging a huge item to the beach.
When I saw on Amazon that I could float on a poop emoji – I was very excited to be the hippest person on the beach.
But it wasn’t quite big enough for me and my kids kept stealing it….so imagine how thrilled I was when this arrived courtesy of KANGAROO!!
I had seen sexy women floating on flamingos and swans in magazines so I was very thrilled to test it out with my friends.
Apparently my friends and I aren’t quite as sexy and graceful as these 2 – Mr. Gaga caught a pic of us trying to figure out how to graceful mount the flamingo and float away…
Once we figured it out – we were the hit of the sea!!
Everyone that floated by us – demanded to know where we got such an amazing float and told us that we were the Queens of the Beach. What more could a tired fat mom want???
To ensure that I am the floatiest and coolest woman to every live on a beach – I will be dazzling the people with the dragonfly next…
I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE GIFTED THESE FLOATS FROM THE KANGAROO COMPANY – BUT MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ON SAID PRODUCTS ARE MY OWN – KANGAROO PRODUCTS ARE SOLD VIA AMAZON AND IF YOU CLICK ON THE PICTURES YOU WILL BE BROUGHT DIRECTLY TO THE SITE….XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA