Easter…the new Christmas

Last year after what I went through – I vowed to just get everyone some eggs and a chocolate bunny this year – but of course as usually I don’t take my own advice.  I am guilty of over buying for Easter baskets and I did it again.  It’s always a big fiasco …here are my thoughts from last year’s Easter.

I know this day is a big deal to Catholics, but things have really gotten out of control.

Just like Christmas, we seem to have lost the true meaning of the day.

From what I understand we are celebrating Jesus escaping from a cave after being murdered.

So why have we turned Easter into a wild extravaganza that feels like Christmas?

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For example, are we not tortured enough by standing in line to see Santa Claus every December?  Do we really have to go and torture our innocent children and ourselves with visits to the mall Easter Rabbit?

In an effort to do everything we can to smother our precious angels with Easter fun!! we are spending money and making them pretend to be happy to sit on the lap of some huge, super-sized creepy rabbit…..

Do these children look happy to you?

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This horrific bunny has nothing to do with Jesus or even anything holy or good!!

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At least with Santa it’s a real dude with a beard and a red suit on.  This is just downright freaky.  Who the hell knows who’s inside these horrible costumes?

Why are we doing this?

This poor thing was forced to run for her life….

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And another thing – why the hell have I just spent my life savings on Easter baskets?

Why do we decorate eggs and hide them??

None of it makes any sense.

Easter really snuck up on us this year, too.  I have been working a lot, so I would pick up stuff at the grocery store for the kids’ baskets here and there…but wasn’t really giving their baskets much thought.

I may or may not have purchased one bag of Cadbury mini eggs and ate them in two days, two bags of Cadbury mini eggs and ate them in four days,   and ate some of the kids’ candy before Easter.

On Tuesday, Sam said casually from the backseat on the way to his music lesson “I can’t wait until Easter!”

“Why?” I asked cautiously.

“Because we usually get all this candy and toys, and usually Legos from the Easter Bunny.” he said excitedly.

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Wednesday was my only day off before Easter so I set out to Target to find some toys and candy.  I quickly realized as I perused the Easter section that there wasn’t much that my kids would want.  Gone are the days I can fill their baskets with chalk and bubbles and a chocolate bunny.  I grabbed some pool toys for spring break and some candy and Big League Chew.

I left and called my best friend as I drove over to Toys R Us to pick up $40 worth of Legos.

“What are you putting in your kids’ baskets?” I asked with exasperation.

“I got Andrew 3 outfits, a bathing suit, flip flops, sunglasses, sneakers and hair gel…and candy.”

“What the fuck?! When did Easter turn into Christmas?” I demanded.

“I know…I am probably going to get him a video game too,” she sighed, “I don’t know how this happened.”

I grabbed the Legos and headed to Old Navy to get flip flops and sunglasses.  I also realized the boys had nothing to wear to church on Sunday so I bought them outfits.  When I left, I called Mr. Gaga for more ideas.

“They need sliding shorts for baseball and baseball cards.”

I headed to Sports Authority and dropped another $60 on sliding shorts and cards.

I went to CVS and grabbed hair gel and then hit 5 Below for some balls and ear buds.

Finally the day was over, and I felt good about what I had gotten and I was out like $300.

I worked the next couple days.  I ran to the store on Friday and bought eggs and decorating supplies and also supplies for a “Bunny Cake” that I make every year.  We made plans to got to my parent’s house on Saturday night and stay over, so I had to be organized and have everything packed and ready to go.

Saturday morning before I went to work I packed a bag for myself, which included a nice outfit for church and pj’s and all of my makeup and hair supplies.  I got all of the kid’s gifts and Easter baskets together.  I left a to-do list for Mr. Gaga which included instructions about boiling the eggs so we could decorate them Saturday night.

I went to work at 8:30 and came home at 5:30 completely exhausted.  I needed to quickly get all of my stuff together and into the car, as everyone was anxiously waiting to leave.  We had an hour drive ahead of us and we needed to pick up dinner on the way.  Just as though it was Christmas Eve, I was stressed and tired.  The house was a mess, and I ran around quickly trying to clean up. “What did you do all day?” I asked in a bitchy tone to Mr. Gaga.

Just like Christmas Eve, he shrugged and said something useless and annoying.

I rushed around and snuck the Easter stuff into the trunk without anyone noticing, ran the dishwasher and hopped into the car.

We picked up pizzas and started decorating the eggs at around 8 PM.

I drank a glass of wine (or 4) and helped the kids turn our eggs into emojis like a good social media maven, and posted them to Insta…(please follow me by the way;)

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The kids were wired and I couldn’t get them to get into bed until about 10 PM. At this point I headed into the bedroom where Mr. Gaga was face down on the bed about to pass out.

“Where’s my bag? I want to get changed for bed,” I asked him.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.  “You didn’t bring it in from the car? Thanks a lot,” I said grumpily as I put my shoes on and went out to grab my belongings.

I went to the car and had a sinking feeling.  I didn’t remember putting my bag in the car – but Mr. Gaga surely did.  He wouldn’t just pack his own bag and the kids’ bags and leave mine behind.

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I had just the clothes on my back.  No pajamas….no underwear.  No makeup. No flat-iron. No toothbrush.  Nothing.

I went back in the house discouraged.  Mr. Gaga snored on the bed, happily clothed in fresh pj’s with brushed teeth.  My mother convinced me that I could make do with her clothes and makeup and I resigned myself to this solution.  I took a shower and pulled my wet hair back into a ponytail and figured I would just keep it tied back for Easter so that I wouldn’t look like a homeless vagrant with an afro.  I pulled on my mother’s cotton briefs and sweats and picked out a shirt for church in the morning.

I went into the kitchen and made the dumb bunny cake.

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Finally, after waiting until midnight, the kids were finally asleep so I could assemble their baskets.  I snuck back into the bedroom where I had placed a bag of Easter basket items and pulled it out to the living room.  I reached into the bag to pull out the balls and the bigger items first.  They weren’t there.  I searched for the sunglasses and Big League chew….none of it was there.  I had forgotten an entire bag in my closet at home.  I had left half of their Easter baskets at home.

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I was so exhausted and overwhelmed that I had fucked everything up.  I felt like it was Christmas Eve, I was bleary-eyed and miserable, with ugly hair and my mother’s ill-fitting underwear.

I filled the baskets with what I had, disgusted with myself, I went to bed and couldn’t fall asleep until 1:45.

The kids woke me up at 7 am – while Mr. Gaga continued to snore.  I threw on the filthy clothes that I had worn the day before and we headed to 8 AM mass.

Just like on Christmas morning – even though I was worried that the kids would be disappointed – they were happy and excited when they found their Easter baskets after mass.

When did Easter turn into a full-fledged “Spring Christmas?”

I perused social media today while I was relaxing with my family and noticed some other strange similarities that were happening in the world.

It’s not just he fact that I found myself tired, fighting with my husband, and spending millions of dollars at Easter.

Do you know how parents lose their shit at Christmas time attempting to get their precious children the perfect gifts from stores? Do you see on the news how insane lunatics storm the stores on Black Friday determined to score the best toys and electronics for their entitled spoiled brats? Well this same manic hysteria applies to Easter Egg hunts now.

In Connecticut this weekend – pushy greedy parents – confusing the Easter Egg field with Toys R’ Us on Black Friday behaved like animals and destroyed what was supposed to be a family friendly event hosted by PEZ Candy.

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See below for one of the most hilarious blurbs I could find from Gawker:

According to NBC Connecticut, the hunt was over before it even began:

“Somebody pushed me over and take my eggs and it’s very rude of them and they broke my bucket,” Vincent Welch said.

Several parents were trampling over signs and shoving other participants at the annual hunt, causing chaos at the family-friendly event. One woman said an adult injured her grandchild’s nose.

I mean I cannot even make this shit up anymore!!!!

It’s like a gift from the freshly risen Jesus to a mom blogger that makes fun of insane parents!!!

We have gone too far.

When will enough be enough?

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HAPPY EASTER!!! Please share on Facebook this week!!  XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

One thought on “Easter…the new Christmas

  1. Thank you, Lady Goo Goo Gaga, for being the most happily dysfunctional mother on the planet (besides me, of course). I just love your blog postings, and the Easter the New Christmas one is no exception. I myself was raised in a very frugal household out of necessity, and trust me, less really is more. As a child who was lucky to get one “big” gift (costing no more than thirty bucks in the 1980’s) and a bunch of stocking stuffers from her mother on Christmas, I never really felt deprived. I learned to appreciate the good things in life more, and when I did hit the occasional jackpot that most people would call “normal,” it was like dying and going to Heaven. Americans constantly complain about the overwhelming clutter that has taken over their homes, yet more often than not, these are the exact same people who insist on overbuying presents for family and friends on Christmas, Easter, and even Halloween. We are a nation of extremes and contradictions, which make a dangerous combination. Thank goodness we have a great blogger like you to give us a reason to laugh at ourselves!

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