A Mother’s Guide to Boycotting the Boycotts

I am effing exhausted.   All the time.  If not physically – mentally, and my end game is to get through each day as simply as possible- without drama.  All I want is to live a normal life as a mother with my sanity in tact.

This can only happen if I make good choices for me and my family, like letting my children wear clothes that they want to wear, and having an Uber pick me up after a happy hour with friends.  If I abide by all of the boycotts that people are announcing on social media – where will this end? Will I be sewing my children’s clothes and driving drunk?

Every time I turn around there is a call for protest on social media.  It is extremely difficult to navigate and keep track of where I should be boycotting.  Politics aside, I am happy to boycott something if I feel like there has been a real injustice.  For example, I will not buy Barilla pasta any more since the CEO made anti-gay statements.

I can easily switch to another brand of pasta.

I am pretty sure that’s where my ability to join forces with protesting people ends.  I think sometimes  people are going to protests because it is the new fun social activity du jour.  They look like they are having fun out there…

boycott

If we really knew what went on with every CEO of every company – we might be shocked to find out that they are all money-hungry assholes.  Then what? Void of products and services will we just end up back in the stone ages, milking cows and riding a horse to work? Or then will the animal cruelty people be mad? There’s no way to win here.  We depend on these companies and these maniacal, narcisstic CEO’s for products and services.  It might be politically incorrect – but I can’t boycott everything.  Actually I don’t really have the energy to boycott anything – except that pasta I mentioned – and it’s mostly because I am avoiding carbs.

It seems that everything that keeps popping up involves a company that I really have to do business with to survive as a mother… The following is a list of companies that I cannot part ways with:

LLBEAN – 

Apparently one Bean family member gave Trump a ton of money.  Well guess what – I need my kids to have sturdy lunch bags and long underwear.   I love my tote bag that I have had for ten solid years, that carried diapers and sand toys, snacks and books and everything else I ever needed and it is in like-new condition.  Every mother owns one of these totes and knows what I am talking about.

bean

Oh and by the way – they invented the monogram.  The precious monogram that alerts others not to take our diaper bag at the library and that helps to identify our children’s lunch bags!

The Bean people have been inspiring us to strap on ugly, weather-protecting clothing and live an active, outdoor lifestyle since way before it was cool.  They brought us barn jackets, sturdy backpacks, duck shoes, and metal containers, decades before the Swell bottle was invented.  They created the first canvas lunch bag.  The nerve of us to consider turning on them now.

UNDERARMOUR

I have 2 prepubescent boys that refuse to wear anything except Under Armour clothing.  I have no explanation – all I know is that I gave up long ago trying to make them wear anything else.  Their drawers are overflowing with clothes.  They will disregard all of those clothes every morning and dig through the dirty clothes in an effort to wear the same UA clothes repeatedly.

Now there’s a call to boycott Under Armour because the president of the company said some kind things about the President.

If anyone thinks that I am going to spend my mornings wrestling my children into active-wear that they don’t want to wear, and listen to them cry and threaten to not go to school – they have another thing coming.

By the way – isn’t this the company who invented “heatgear” so we don’t have to be cold all the time? We should appreciate them.

UBER

When I saw the #deleteUber hashtags sweeping through my social media posts, my heart sank.  Many cited the Uber CEO’s involvement with Trump’s advisory board as reason enough to delete Uber, as well as the company’s unjust practices towards its employees – but it’s just not that simple for me.

After a long week of working and being a mother, my husband and I like to escape to a place where there is alcohol available.  Uber is the best invention to ever happen for a woman who enjoys 4 dirty martinis  a glass of wine on the weekends.  In the early days of motherhood, it seemed trashy to have a yellow cab pick us up for a dinner out in our Connecticut suburb.  What would the babysitter think of us? Now with Uber, I can say “Our friend is here to pick us up!” and happily jump into a car driven by a stranger and know that 4 martinis 4 margaritas one glass of merlot can be consumed without fear of driving drunk.

There is no way in hell I am going back to doing “Rock, Paper, Scissors” with my husband to see who will remain sober all night to be the designated driver.  If I am forced to make the hard choice between doing the right thing and having a drink or 2 …

vodka

If “Uber-ing” is wrong – I don’t want to be right.

CHIK-FIL-A

This protest began in 2012 when the company donated to political organizations seen by LGBT activists as hostile to their community.  This didn’t really affect me because I live in Connecticut, far away from a Chik Fil A.

Chik Fil A just opened in my town.  Generally speaking, it’s wrong these days to even admit to enjoying fast food.  The company’s anti-LGBT choices, makes it even dicier. However, I know a good chicken sandwich when I see one.

I love gay people – I have many gay friends and I love them dearly.

Do they really want me to miss out on possibly the best spicy chicken sandwich ever created? I don’t think so.  I will be going to Chik Fil A .  I will confess to my gay friends, I will explain my obsession with food – and they will forgive me.

wrong

NORDSTROM 

First of all if one more person says the word NORDSTROM’S I am going to slit my throat.  It’s Nordstrom! There’s no “s!”  If you don’t know that – then you probably weren’t shopping there anyways.

I don’t go around town saying Walmarts, so stopping butchering the store’s name.

We are supposed to boycott Nordstrom now because they dropped Ivanka’s line.  On the principal that this was a political move and that we should support women in business, many are cutting up their Nordstrom card.  Not me.

If I need a nice dress for a wedding, a Burberry coat or a Tom Ford lipstick, where might I find that?

Nordstrom.

We don’t have to buy everything there – but it sure comes in handy for luxury goods. Think back to the Nordstrom purchases in your life…they were great.

I have gotten some of my best sunglasses and shoes at Nordstrom.  My children have benefitted from beautiful, quality clothing, (that they refuse to wear) and I don’t want to even calculate the amount of money I have dumped into the cosmetics department.

These purchases were wrapped in tissue paper and delivered with a smile from someone who had impeccable customer service.  They took back your returns for years.  Yes, you, who used half of your La Mer cream and then said that it “gave you a reaction.”  They took that $1000 jar of skin cream back with a smile, and gave you your money back.

And now you turn?

The next time you need that luxurious experience, where will you go?

Macy’s?

Good luck.

I think it best to pick and choose my battles.  Most often it suits me best to be a careless American consumer.  This is not politically correct, I know, but I don’t care.  I can’t.  My mental health and happiness is at stake here.

I am boycotting the boycotts, and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

I know some of you will be outraged by this – and want to boycott me – I love you anyways –

xo, Lady Goo Goo Gaga

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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