WAYS TO MAKE SURE YOU NEVER A HOST A PLAYDATE…

Michael had requested a Halloween party for his birthday.   After torturing me night after night after he accidentally saw the Annabelle trailer, I was on the fence about it.

He assured me that he would not be scared, so we went for it.

All of the parents were warned that this would be a haunted party.  I asked them to each tell me a secret about their child and we had a gypsy come armed with secrets, looking into her crystal ball on the back porch.

gypsy

They each went in one by one and came out completely shocked and wide-eyed, asking aloud how she could possibly know what she knew about them.

While the kids were talking to the gypsy – I had to think of activities to keep the other 14 children occupied.

I looked up Halloween party games – and “bobbing for apples” came up a lot.

The thought of a bunch of filthy Ebola-virus ridden children sticking their mouths in a barrel of water and then licking and biting at apples seemed like a bad idea.

I settled on another old-fashioned game called “donut-on-a-string.”

The kids compete to see who can eat their donut first with their hands behind their backs...
The kids compete to see who can eat their donut first with their hands behind their backs… instead of Ebola-laced apples, the donuts seemed like a safer bet.

Kids also had the chance to stick their hands into different boxes that had different “body parts” in them.

We had a box of “warm human blood” (Hunt’s tomato sauce heated up to be lukewarm) and a “human heart” (peeled beefsteak tomato.)

boxes
The scabs were bacon bits and the eyeballs were large pimento olives…

We served pizza and cupcakes….

cupcakes

And cake…

cake
One of the kids looked at the cake gravely and said “Someone got murdered on this cake!”

Once it got dark it was time for a scary walking tour of the neighborhood.

Mr. Gaga and I had elaborate plans to walk the children around the neighborhood telling scary stories.  We enlisted help from others so that they could jump out at just the right time and scare the children.

I had casually told people of my plans ahead of time and got very horrified reactions.

Several people thought we were sadistic.  Several people suggested that we tone it down because the kids would have nightmares.

The final reaction that convinced me that we had to do this is when a co-worker said “None of these kids will ever want to come to your house for a playdate!”

It was then we decided to definitely move forward with our plans of torture.

We just so happen to have two empty houses on our street so we made up scary stories as to why they were abandoned due to hauntings and murders.  We had placed body parts around the yards and asked the kids to collect them.

In one backyard we set up an old mattress with bloody sheets on it and told a story of a girl who haunted the bed.  As the kids inched towards the bed carefully, a ghoulish woman covered in blood popped up from the sheets and started moaning.

Next stop was our neighbor’s garden which we explained was haunted and filled with dead animals.  We said we often hear yelling and moaning coming from the garden – as the kids listened – our neighbor started moaning from the dark garden.  He suddenly popped out with a hockey mask and an axe and chased the kids.  They all screamed bloody murder and ran down the driveway.

The last stop was at the end of our street where we talked about a young man who had once been on his motorcycle trying to outrun the police.  He had driven his motorcycle down our street and straight into the woods but never came out.   The police searched everywhere for him and he never turned up.   Rumor has it he is still in the woods driving his motorcycle.  Mr. Gaga said sometimes you can hear him at night.  He said if we are all very quiet we can hear him.  Everyone stood breathlessly trying to listen and we heard the faint sound of a motorcycle.  As it started to get louder and louder, the children were getting very agitated.  Just then Mr. Gaga’s friend rounded the corner and came straight at us dressed as a zombie on a motorcycle.

I have never seen children scream and run so fast.

SUCCESS!!!

Right at that point it was time for pick up!! The party was over.

It was time to throw back a few apple martinis.

Michael is officially nine and none of his friends will be coming over again anytime soon….life is good.

Mr. Gaga says this is the last time I am allowed to have a birthday party at home – for fear that we will end up divorced due to the intense planning that goes on leading up to these parties.

Mr. Gaga says I am crazy.

I blame Pinterest.

candle

LINKING TO MAMA KAT’S PINTEREST WRITING PROMPT!!

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I WANT MY OWN REALITY SHOW – THE REAL HALLOWEEN HOUSEWIVES OF AMERICA….UNTIL THEN I WILL SETTLE FOR FUNNIEST MOM IN AMERICA – SO PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME!!! XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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14 thoughts on “WAYS TO MAKE SURE YOU NEVER A HOST A PLAYDATE…

  1. I love it! Very creative. How did you get the red “blood” on the cake and is the “dirt” on the cupcakes Oreo cookies crumbled? Thanks!

    1. Dirt is Oreos – and the cake was red ganache made by melting red candy chips with cream and red food coloring – then I put it into a squeeze bottle and squeezed around the edge of the cake and let it drip down – then filled in the top…Red Velvet inside!

      1. What kind of cream? And do you mean the red candy melts from Wilsons? Sorry, I really want to recreate for our Halloween party…

  2. I can’t believe you did this! You are completely nutz! These kids will be traumatized forever- and its definitely the best party they have ever gone to and will ever go to…and fyi, this is a perfect example of having way too much time on your hands even though you think you don’t.

  3. If my kids went to your party they would be crying themselves to sleep every night! And that cake is epic…how the heck did you get it to drip like that!?! Love it!

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