Top Ways for Moms to Prevent Ebola in their Family

Let’s face it – we need to take this Ebola outbreak seriously.

It’s in NYC for God sakes…the ways this can spread are endless.

As a mother I have especially been noticing some precarious situations that we put ourselves in that could potentially find us in the local Ebola Ward.

I want to share – so we can all be a little more careful:

TOP WAYS FOR MOMS TO PREVENT EBOLA IN THEIR FAMILY:

 

#1 – STEP AWAY FROM THE LEGO TABLE:

Or the Thomas the Train table or any table that small children crowd around and touch and lick various objects on said table.  I remember when Michael and Sam were little every single time they even looked at one of those tables at the book store or library they would instantly come down with croup, “hand foot and mouth disease” or a stomach bug.

Apparently Ebola makes the stomach bug look like a walk in the park.

So apparently you will be bleeding from the inside and the outside while simultaneously vomiting and having diarhea....
So apparently you will be bleeding from the inside and the outside while simultaneously vomiting and having diarrhea and the hiccups – think about that before you let your kid reach for that Lego.

#2 – STAYCATION:

I am a big fan of the staycation – which many people fault me for.  People think that being well-traveled is important. People think it is very important to see the world and learn about other cultures and lands.

They feel it necessary to pack up their belongings into little teeny vials that are deemed acceptable by the TSA, get groped and endure cavity searches and whatever else it takes to get onto the plane, and then sit in an enclosed space that could potentially be filled with SARS, Bird Flu, Stomach Bug, and now EBOLA.

Jet-setters seem to believe that traveling to their various destinations and their adventures around the world are very important.

Do you know what I think is important?

Not bleeding from my eyeballs.

Stay home people.

#3 -REMAIN CELIBATE

This is where both housewives and working mothers across the nation will rejoice!!

If you are both working outside of the home, did you ever think that you or your husband could be contracting Ebola on business travels?  Did you ever think that if you are out in the world working and interacting with people, touching filthy desks and computers and trains that you could be contracting Ebola yourself?

What if you are a stay-at-home mom?  Are you taking the children out to filthy grocery stores and touching slimy germ-infested grocery carts?  Are you paying for things via credit or debit and touching the virus filled key pad on the credit card swiper thingy??  Or are you paying with cash that was just yesterday in someone else’s wallet or pocket or bra??

These scenarios are endless and because the best way to contract Ebola is through bodily fluids, I think it is an obvious choice when I say – It’s best to not have sex with your husband until this whole thing dies down.

I know a few of you  one person  zero women  many of you will be devastated by this!!!

But I have learned over time that women in America are very resourceful when it comes to this matter.  We saw that first hand with the widespread enjoyment of FIFTY SHADES OF GREY and the sexual fulfillment that you all were able to supply to yourself, minus your husband.

Bullet users rejoice!

#4 – STICK WITH THE WALKING DEAD AND TRUE BLOOD:

Speaking of weird fantasies – I never understood everyone’s fascination with zombies and vampires.

Apparently if you are going to have a crush on someone – this is finally when your bizarre obsession with a zombie will finally seem appropriate – because since they are already dead – I am fairly certain they cannot get or spread Ebola!!

Also this vampire obsession that women have between True Blood and the Twilight series finally makes sense!!

Once you determine his eyeballs are not bleeding from the Ebola virus and that he actually cannot be killed - he does seem pretty sexy!!
Once you determine his eyeballs are not bleeding from the Ebola virus and that he actually cannot be killed – he does seem pretty sexy!!

 

#5 – KEEP HALLOWEEN TRADITIONS TO A MINIMUM:

All the sticking hands into dirty bowls of candy and trying on each other’s sweaty masks and hats that are filled with steamy breathe and snots…..It’s enough to just hide inside in a HAZMAT suit.

The children have to be able to enjoy the Halloween traditions somewhat but definitely skip “bobbing for apples” and the “donut on a string” game we played at Michael’s party was a recipe for disaster now that I look back on it.

Regular trick-or-treating can be fine – as long as you go through the candy.  Be sure to throw out anything that looks as though it could have been homemade or that someone packaged themselves!!

If you get any of these "Ebola Balls" or loose candy corns .....throw them directly into the nearest garbage!!
If you get any of these “Ebola Balls” or loose candy corns …..throw them directly into the nearest garbage!!

 

#6 – STAY AWAY FROM PITS:

I thought of this today as I brought my children to the pumpkin patch and let them enjoy the “corn pit.” 

Ordinarily we enjoy the corn pit - but today all I could think of was the potential for us all to die.
Ordinarily we enjoy the corn pit – but today all I could think of was the potential for us all to die.

It’s obvious to me and most individuals that enjoy their health and wellness that one should stay away from pits of doom and despair that you would find at McDonald’s and Chuck E. Cheese.  The same goes for slimy bounce houses that besides potentially blowing away at any minute – are also filled with Ebola and Ebola-like viruses.

However, many mothers willingly bring their children to these filthy disgusting establishments.  When you go to Chuck E. Cheese or bouncy house facilities just know that they are filled to the brim with sweating, screaming rotten children that are bleeding from their eyeballs  that could potentially have a serious illness!!

Please remember that Ebola can fester in your body for up to 21 days before symptoms appear.

Think of that the next time you toss your kids into something like this:

ballpit

 

#7 – DO NOT SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION:

It’s not worth it.  These hospitals are just filled with diseases and Ebola-filled healthcare workers.

Whatever illness you think you have – (as long as you are sure it’s not Ebola of course) stay away from the hospital.

This is a place that used to be where you could safely go to be cured of ailments – now it has become a place filled with germ spreading.  You could go in with a papercut and come out with a fatal illness.

Take Airborne everyday and if you start to develop any respiratory issues just start chugging Robitussin.

Stomach issues? Take Pepto Bismal and Tums.

Most allergic reactions can be cured with Benadryl.

Migraine? Take some Advil and go to bed.

You broke your leg?  Eat boron tablets.

There’s a natural remedy for everything.

Your giving birth??  Grab your yoga mat and bring it to the nearest stream and squat.

Even though I have made fun of home births in the past – I think now I have to eat my words.

I think it is actually probably safer at this point to give birth on a rock somewhere.

 

Now this woman is clearly insane - but she might not be as dumb as she looks.  She surely won't catch ebola in a swamp filled with rocks.
Now this woman is clearly insane – but she might not be as dumb as she looks.                                                       She surely won’t catch Ebola in a swamp filled with rocks.

 

I hope this helps.

Maybe if we all think twice before we do germ-spreading activities we will be safe and healthy.

FOR GOD SAKES CAN’T WE ALL JUST STAY INSIDE AND DRINK UNTIL THIS THING BLOWS OVER???  PLEASE SHARE THIS POST ON FACEBOOK/TWITTER THIS WEEK TO SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT SAFETY DURING THE EBOLA CRISIS!!!  THANK YOU!!! XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

 

6 thoughts on “Top Ways for Moms to Prevent Ebola in their Family

  1. What about School…Isn’t that the most disgusting place we send our kids? Personally showering my child as soon as we get home from school every day…maybe think about homeschooling.

  2. People are so misinformed about Ebola. The ONLY way it is spread is through the DIRECT contact with the FRESH, WET, straight-from-the-source, sweat, urine, blood, and feces of someone infected. It is something that must be talked about and we do need to be aware. Completely agree on that-it is a big deal and we should all be on guard as it is flu season anyway. However, take that corn pit for instance. You have a greater chance of getting athlete’s foot from that than Ebola. And yes, grocery carts, ball pits, card swipers, keyboards, and school desks are disgusting and germ laden; you really have a greater chance of getting the flu from them than Ebola. It is not a good idea to for-go going to the doctor or hospital if you need to. Yes many things can be cured over the counter, but many thing also require emergency action or prescription antibiotics etc which can only be done at the ER or your primary physician. Both are more sanitary than one would think but I advise (especially since it is flu season) if you go, wear a medical mask. Not only will that keep you from getting other people’s infections, but that will keep other people from getting yours too. Literally you are more likely to come down with heart disease than to have Ebola affect you or anyone you love. People: GO ON LIVING YOUR LIVES. Spending all of our time and energy worrying about Ebola or whatever the next outbreak will be is futile and exhausting. Take your vitamin c and remember the beautiful creation of bleach, lysol wipes, rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer and you will be just fine! :)

  3. I think you’ve got this backwards…the only way for the body to combat disease is by practicing, which means giving the body opportunities to practice by catching milder illnesses. I don’t wipe my grocery carts and I never use hand sanitizer. I let my kids eat food that fell on the floor. We even drink from the Communion cup at church. They are almost never sick. I really can’t remember the last time they were sick. I hope this is all good practice for fighting off Ebola should we come across it. To each their own!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *