7 Moms to Avoid on the First Day of School

There are a lot of reasons why I don’t want the summer to end.  One of the top reasons is that I shall return to Goopville as a mother.  This means I will shortly find myself surrounded by lunatics of varying degrees.

When I think of school events, sports, and other social gatherings I cringe when I think of all the different mothers that I don’t want to run into.

Here’s a quick rundown of the types of troubled individuals mothers we all know about that we DO NOT want to spend any length of time with:


This woman will have you think that she eats a lot.  She talks about food and posts recipes on Pinterest and Facebook to throw us off.  She often posts pictures of shakes and smoothies and weird barrels of protein powder.

Yet despite all of this supposed beverage and protein consumption she weighs a mere 85 pounds.

You will find this woman at happy hours drinking straight vodka because it has the least amount of calories and she will order some sort of salad that she will pick at and move around.  Another popular choice for the hungry mom is shrimp cocktail.

She is known to walk around schools or parks in spandex outfits that will just barely cover her breasts and vagina.

“Ok kids, we’re here! Have a great day at school!”

She is “Gluten-free” or sometimes “dairy-free” or “vegan” or sometimes all of the above.

She claims that when she eats anything other than air or water she has HORRIBLE PAINS! in her intestines and bowels.  She will share this information with any who dare to ask why she is so painfully thin.

Her skeletal body is annoying enough but the obsession with working out and dieting is enough to send me home crying straight to my pizza and red wine.


Look – I am exhausted.  I have described my morning routine many times on this blog, and it basically involves everyone in my household sleeping way too late and then frantically attempting to get to school/work.  Despite this fact, you will NEVER see me outside of my home in my pajamas.

There is simply no excuse for these mothers that think it’s perfectly acceptable to show up at school in their sleeping clothes!  Take two minutes to get dressed people! It’s bad enough that you have no makeup on and your hair looks like you stuck your finger in the toaster.

Put regular street clothes on and also put on a fucking bra.

Do you think we don’t see your tits swinging in the breeze under your polyester pajamas?  My kids don’t want to see my boobs hanging to my belly button – what makes you think they want to look at yours??

“Don’t wave at me!  I hate you!!” “I can see your nipples! I will speak to you when you have gotten dressed.”

I cannot tell you how it irks me to wake up in the morning and to be greeted by anyone other than Kelly Ripa….the last thing I need to look at is someone in pilly pajamas pants and a sheer top with loose boobs.


Speaking of boobs – this mom was found just a few years ago in every public place she could think of with her boob in her kid’s mouth.  No matter that he might be 3 years old, she would stop when “he was ready.”

Now she can be spotted a mile away with her graying hair and her “aging gracefully” face.  She wears clothing that might as well be homemade and puts her childrens’ snacks and lunches in organic cotton pouches.

Her children live off of greens and homemade granola bars and haven’t had a hair cut since 1982.  Her husband has a beard (not the hipster kind) and they speak in slow soft language with zero affect.

She is fucking annoying and ridiculous.  She eats her own placenta.

She is green.

She walks or bikes her children to school to save the environment.


It’s not the 1970’s – get a bottle of Clairol Root Touch Up and some face cream for god sakes, and give that kid a burger.


This is a mom that I run into frequently at the children’s sporting events.  As I am reading my magazine texting friends 

watching basketball or baseball games featuring 8 and 9 year old children, I am often caught off guard by women who somehow believe they are at a major league or NBA Finals game.  They sometimes even wear team-related offensive attire and they bark out commands, cheers, and ref/ump scoldings like it’s their job.

She knows the rules of every game and she wants us all to know it.

She takes great enjoyment in screaming in my ear when there is a bad call of some sort.

I attempt to pay enough attention so that I can catch my son’s eye at just the right time and give him a thumbs up so that he thinks I am watching.


That’s not good enough for this manly mother.  She is seemingly appalled when I don’t know the score or who’s winning, or when I don’t notice that my child is at bat or just scored.

They don’t quite understand that until someone in my household is in the running for a gold medal or college scholarship – I just don’t find all of this that interesting.


The picture of perfection.  She loves her children, she loves her children’s school, she even loves your children.  She loves all children and schools in America.

She wants you to do the same.

She will have you giving every penny you have for wrapping paper, apple pies, teacher gifts, teacher luncheons, field trips, book fairs…the list is endless.

Avoid this woman at all costs....
Avoid this woman at all costs….

But money is not enough.

She also wants your time.

It’s not enough to just write out a check to his maniac – she will have you running cash registers at farmer’s markets, hanging artwork for the art show, face painting at the school carnival…..It never ends.

And there’s no hiding.  She will email you.  She will call you.  She will pepper you with reminders, school updates, fliers, until you give in.

It’s not enough to give your money or your time.

She won’t stop until she has your soul.


This bitch will never admit defeat.

She looks perfect.  Her clothing and accessories are impeccable. Her children are dressed to the nines in Vineyard Vines and Mini Boden apparel.

I hate you perfect mom.
I hate you perfect mom.

Her hair is perfectly coiffed and she drives a luxury SUV of some sort.

She is never rattled.

Her children’s clothing and bags are stitched with perfectly embroidered initials and her manicure is never chipped.

She loves her husband.

She loves her golden retriever.

She loves your golden retriever.

She packs her children’s lunches in a bento box filled with fresh picked berries and julienne vegetables.  Sometimes she uses carrot shreds to spell out her child’s name on his sandwich – accompanied by a love note.

She is the room mother and offers to take your children for a playdate with a smile on her face.

When you complain or say that you are tired she looks at you with a perplexed look as though exhaustion or disgust are emotions she is unfamiliar with.

She uses social media as a weapon to remind us all that everything in her life is dreamy.

She is the reason my town is called “Goopville” because her idol is Gwenyth and she shops at Whole Foods looking for macrobiotic ingredients with fervor.

She is also the reason why we all feel unworthy and less than as mothers.  She is the reason that I started this blog in the first place.

She is a liar…

She lies to us, to her husband and kids, and to herself.

Because we all know that nobody’s perfect.


She is a judger.  She notices when you haven’t dyed your roots or forgot your bra for school drop-off.

She pretends to read her magazine at the games but his silently taking pictures of you while you innocently cheer for your child wearing a football jersey.

She pretends to be indifferent about the school and PTO but somehow finds herself face painting and running the farmer’s markets like an idiot.

Watch out for her – because behind her oversized sunglasses that she rarely takes off ….she notices everything….

and she will blog about it.


397 thoughts on “7 Moms to Avoid on the First Day of School

  1. This is funny. But really lady writer??? Are you about to enter high school?? Have you even graduated yet? Do you allow your kids to make such harsh judgments. Gross. You forgot to describe yourself, the one type of mom missing from your list. The super super super super super insecure mom that worries so much about other moms that she let herself go. This kind of talk describes your type so well. The crabby fat lady that pretends to be your friend, talks shit behind your back, and only wishes she could put down that spoon in the Ben and Jerry’s at night and be thin for once. However, like she said in lazy mom comment, she’s lazy. This lady orders a salad if there’s a skinny waitress taking the order. Or gets a burger and says “I had a salad today or sometime during the week”. This mom invites you over and wants to hang with you so bad. But don’t ever tell her any of your secrets ’cause she is so jealous of you she will destroy you. Stop judging and relax. This article makes you sound fat and jealous.

      1. I have to agree I found this blog appalling. It’s a little juvenile and obviously coming from someone who needs to realize we are all just doing are best, and even your best is OK.

        1. The naysayers must not read David Sedaris. He has at least four houses between here and France, all for writing this type of “offensive” funny material. His most famous characters are his own family, and they laugh too. Yes, even at themselves. There’s something deeply, tragically wrong with people who have no sense of humor (and no, knock-knock jokes and laughing at nothing doesn’t count). In fact, these people are usually narcissists. Recognizing themselves in material that gets big laughs creates a narcissistic injury, which is expressed as anger, sometimes even rage. Think Nellie Olson from Little House On the Prairie, the “mean girls” in high school, or the Gaston in Beauty & the Beast. Sad… Even sadder is the fact that narcissistic personality disorder has no cure. Empty boring narcissists are utterly screwed, hopeless, and too narcissistic to notice. *Heavy sigh* 😏

      2. teresacortez… where are you getting this information about the Sedaris family? They laugh too? Then you obviously missed some of the more public disputes he’s had w/ a sibling.

        And the key component in diagnosing narcissism is their inability to understand another person’s pain or discomfort.

        (and that goes right over the narcissists head)

        1. You’re sympathizing with Tiffany Sedaris, perhaps? The deeply troubled, dig-a-turkey-out-of-the-garbage-for-a-holiday-meal sister? The entire family had conflicts with Tiffany, which you’d know if you read every Sedaris book/essay/article/interview. You’d also know that this mentally ill sister died by suicide. But I guess you don’t…really know… what you’re talking about… Par for the course.

      3. I’m the take me as I am Mom. I fly by the seat of my pants, you never know what your gonna get. I have my up days and my down days, but my children’s well being is always first. I just might show up in something that no one else would wear because my child picked it out or made it for my birthday present. I want them to know that I appreciate the gifts they give me because it comes from there hearts and they are proud when I wear it. I am the Mom that prefers the home made card or picture. I am the the Mom who may not have the latest fashions in my closet because I choose to make sure my children have what they need. My kids do not have all the newest and most expensive labels, but are sent to school in clean clothes every day with their hair brushed, faced washed and fed. Even if this meant I did not have the time to make myself look perfect. I am the Mom who yells out the front door ” I love you! Watch for cars! “. Now if this makes me fall into any of the mentioned categories that’s fine because I wear motherhood with pride. Now you can change all of the I am,to the I was kinda Mom. I am a Grandma now, my two daughters have grown up to be beautiful women and both are the best mothers to their children.

    1. relax. She is just making a joke here. I find this post so freakjng funny. I am be perfect mom show up with the perfect hairdo and so true about the clothes too lol anyway my life is not perfect but great posts to give us all a good laugh!

      1. I too found it mildly funny, if that’s as the intent in writing it (humor?) however there was an air of cockiness and judgmental accusations. I think women should spend more time supporting one another, rather than woman bashing and pointing fingers at each others differences. No one is perfect, my guess, most of the time, we are all just trying to do the best we can:)

    2. I assumed that she just described herself in the last post…..Blogger Mom….this was funny…….I bet this mom isn’t at all what you just described, hence, the ability to post with such self deprecating humor!

    3. You missed the point. She DID describe herself…the mom blogger. She even called herself “a judger”. Did you miss that???? I think you need to lighten up a little. This was meant to be funny and in the end the author actually poked fun at herself. I have no idea why you felt compelled to get nasty and to actually call the author a “crabby fat lady”. It was bizarrely aggressive and totally inappropriate. Again, this was supposed to be a fun piece. Take your own advice…relax.

    4. Melc, I think you might have missed the last Mom, “The Blogger Mom.” Get it…she was joking about judging other mothers! This was a joke about JUDGEMENT!! I’m glad to see you got the point. I could deal with the fact that you may have missed Lady Googoogaga’s point if you didn’t have to beat her over the head with insults that are so harsh. (sigh….I’m waiting to be attacked next.)

    5. Ummmm, I think she did describe herself. She’s ‘The Mom Blogger’. This was hilarious and the comments are even more funny to read. People are crazy.

  2. Great post! I thoroughly enjoyed and have many of the the same inner thoughts. Seriously, if you can’t change in the morning, wear yoga pants to bed! Thanks for the laugh.

  3. We have a particular mom species here in the South. They seem to appear out of thin air but they are always on campus. They know every teacher by their first names, their kids are involved in every activity and their fb posts are like a 24 hour Fox News reel. They smile and chat you up and they will gossip about everything and everyone but end it with a “bless her heart” so they aren’t really gossiping just spreading the good word.

    1. LOL Living in the south I have to concur with this! And don’t forget they are wearing whatever dreadful “fashion trend” their local boutique even if it doesn’t look good on them because they MUST keep up with the other like mothers… Heehee!!

  4. So funny! Love this, I am a lot of these and I am proud to be them. If people take things too serious like this tho, they must be or are turning into some miserable people. Life’s too short, you mind yours, I’ll mind mine. You don’t pay my bills or rent or put food on my table so the judging or negative remarks or feelings because I’m not like you will not make me lose sleep at night. I don’t judge because I have no clue about the other persons life. If I don’t like something just move on and let the person be unless they personally disrespect me. Anyways, I like what you wrote because I’m a lot of them, they made me laugh and it should do the same for others. Loosen up people… 😉

    1. Very well said Leslie! Simply stated, and it absolutely gaveessential a laugh also! Am I being put in a category now? Lol! :)

  5. Hi-larious!!! This made me laugh so hard!! Totally nailed it! And I think Melc needs to CFD! It’s comedy people!!!

  6. And, watch out for looser mom.
    She’s the one who writes posts making fun of moms who aren’t as together as she is, but putting down moms who are more together (cause, she’s would rather put someone else down then be brought up higher). She hides her insecurity and propensity to base her own self worth on how she measures up to those around her behind finely crafted, witty snark.
    She’s the one who doesn’t struggle with food, but doesn’t love her husband unless he’s kissing her butt, and she’s not affraid to say so. . . cause letting the world know what a bunch of loosers men are is not only her specialty, but her joy.
    She loves her kids, but she can’t be bothered to be intentional with them because she’s too busy drinking wine and telling the world what a “real” person she is.

    Yeah, watch out for her. She’s mediocure, self involved, and toxic.

    Did I get it right? Or, was I being a little too harsh and judgmental?

      1. “She pretends to read her magazine at the games but “his”??? silently taking pictures of you while you innocently cheer…”

      2. A looser comes from the a family of mediocure people… 😉
        A number of ladies on here can’t catch irony in a bucket!
        Great read; we howled.

    1. Wow, hit too close to home? I think she forgot humorless mom…the one who can’t find anything funny! By the way, I think the spelling you’re looking for is mediocre. Hope you’re not home schooling! Relax will you…

    2. Ren you are perfection. You need to start a blog. This is the first post I read by this “googoogaga” chick, and will most likely be my last. Unless I am in some serious need of an example of a massive bitch.
      Might want to spell check your own posts before you go around fixing other people’s grammar.
      Oh, and grow up.

      1. 😉 Thanks Leah, I have three blogs but only one where I let it go like I did for this post. Spelling is my personal thorn in the flesh that keeps me humble and laughing at myself. Though, correct spelling or not. . . I’m pretty sure I hit the nail on the head 😉

    3. It was not humor. It was the author taking the time to dump out the inner judgments she’s making every time she stands in a crowd of women. She wrote it in a humorous way, but the observations came from her heart. I simply did to her what she did to 7 others. . . it didn’t sound so nice, which was my intent. I read this post and didn’t laugh- it wasn’t funny- it was awful and damaging, because you all now have a humorous discription to think on while you’re standing in a group of women internally judging them. It validates your own judgmentalness, which is why you all like it.

      Worse, I now have this in my head. I now have this to contend with when I’m in the middle of a group of women. I now have this to battle, along with my natural tendency to be judgmental. In my worst moments I could laugh at this, I could join in with my own, “and *this* mom”. . . in my worst moments. This post drags us all down. It makes us revel in our bottom dwelling tendencies. This is the equivolent to a dog eating his own vomit or flies enjoying a good meal of poop. It’s the gross outward expression of our worst inward moments written in humorous language so we can enjoy it together, and not feel so bad about being awful human beings.

      This post is petty and childish, there is no reason for it. There is no reason to look at other women, classify them into unflattering categories to establish ones own superiority. She’s not actually saying, “look out for these moms”, she’s saying, “don’t be these moms”, which is ludicrous. Who is this author to judge that she is the right kind of mom and all these others are not? Those moms are those moms because of several diverse factors, and not all of who they are- that the author is making fun of- is bad.

      As for my spelling: I had three misspelled words in what was otherwise a smart comment. So, “bless your hearts”, you all focused on the misspellings, but couldn’t make an intelligent rebuttal of the point. This is known as “ad hominem”: when you can’t argue the point so you attack character. In this case, my spelling rather then being able to have an intelligent discussion over what was clearly me turning that rather pointed lense in on the author for the purpose of making the point that her generalized judgmentalness wasn’t fair and isn’t necessarily accurate.

      My spelling sucks- I can own that. You ladies. . . well, writing to belittle and patting yourselves on the back for laughing at the belittling, picking apart spelling instead of addressing the contention with any intelligent discussion- I’ll take misspelling words over those character flaws any day.

      So, I guess, look out for intelligent mom. She’s the one who sees through the childishness and *tries* to rise above. She won’t hang out with the bottom dwellers. She won’t join in and validate their childishness even when it makes her look like a stuck up, humorless “bitch”. She can handle the names because she knows that freedom to let others be who they are, and freedom to be who she is, lies on the path that doesn’t give way to base, human pettiness.

      1. Hats up to you lady… I hated the article and despise the fact that it’s been popping up on my news feed now that I read it. I totally agree with every single word towards all the mommies that got straight As in spelling and have never had a typo in their life. Is that really all they detected from what you wrote? I am so glad I don’t work with such ladies or have to deal with such individuals… Some of those 3 word remarks have (urgh) made me judge them… Categorize those too into the The More Childish Than Their Children Mums’ group maybe?
        Some say that the “author” has also included herself in another group of mums but I fail to understand how could they be defending her when it’s obvious she did not spit any of the sh*t she dumped into the groups into her own type of mums group. Stuff like this should not be even written down and shared. She has just showed us her inner self reflected through seeing only negative things about others. And who the hell even advises other parents to feed their children BURGERS! Anyways… Grow up some of you ladies and please give a good example to your children. This is just plain ugly.

  7. I love when people try to put others down but use the wrong word. Looser? I guess she isn’t tight?
    Don’t forget about helicopter mom : you will know who her kid is right away because she is always hovering by her kid. If you ask her kid a question she will answer it. And if she teaches at her kid’s school she will bri g her binoculars so she can look out her window and into her kid’s classroom. 😀

  8. On the money girl and absolutely hilarious! I think we have ALL been one of these if not multiple ones over the years. To all the people who left rude comments- they were just pissed off you pegged them and missed your “own” at the end. Thanks for the fit of laughter, I look forward to reading more of your blogs!

  9. Hilarious!! I can’t wait to spot all these mom types as my Petit Prince starts kindergarten in mere days!! 😮😃 I’m likely a combo of Hippie mom & Perfect mom (will always put my best face forward in public, despite what is going on in my life). There’s also the exercise mom, who brags about working out daily; actually has a reason to wear the yoga pants because she is a yogi; looks ridiculously sculpted, chiseled but in a feminine way; is all about “strong is the new skinny.” Yes, that’s me too! :)

  10. Hysterical!!! As a principal we see all kinds of moms!!! My favorites are the moms who are just plain real and transparent. They sometimes forget their kids lunch or homework. They make valiant efforts to participate and get notes signed and returned on time. They sometimes look like they’ve got it all under control and other times not. They love their kids, school, husband and dog just not always and not at the same time. They seek wise counsel and aren’t afraid to make mistakes (they even laugh at them). A big thumbs up to those moms!!! We’ve got your back. Don’t worry if your not perfect….we prefer it that way

    1. As a mom who just sent her first to preschool today at the ripe age of 3, I really appreciate your comment.
      I love sattire, sarcasm & quick whit as much as anyone but being a fan of kids and moms, I think I’d prefer to let school be the space where I do my very best not to judge and hope that passes down to my daughter.
      And I’m sure I just slapped a big ‘ole label on myself for saying something so idealistic but that’s ok. It’s our first day and nice matters.

    2. And we, nutty-loon-moms, barely holding it together, LOVE principals like you who KNOW us!!! We know you got our backs and are thankful everyday that you are the principal and that you are a part of the “village” who is helping to raise our child.

  11. I can take a joke. I am the queen of sarcasm, if you ask my husband. I fall into none of the above categories. I am by no means perfect or put together. I work too much in order to help support my family. I have a soft spot for neglected animals. And, I have been known to drop the f bomb one too many times while retelling a story. But, I need to say, I didn’t find this article funny. The reasoning is in your writing itself. It seemed mean spirited. I am sure that wasn’t your intention. Just as I’m sure I will have people name call or try to define me, because that’s what people do when they don’t agree. I view it as we are all different and a bit broken and trying to raise our children the best way we know how. I would rather not judge you as the writer, or the imperfect Moms because I have never been in your/their shoes to understand why. I can see a side of myself or my friends in all these Moms. Maybe the perfect Mom came from a broken home. Maybe the hungry Mom has an eating disorder. Maybe the hippie Mom grew up in a commune. I say instead of insulting each others differences we embrace them and learn.

    1. Perfectly stated. I am a bit beyond being a young mother, but I can’t help but notice that the new generation of Moms are far less nurturing and supportive of each other. It appears to be a competition for the grand prize of being crowned Best Mother. Look around you ladies. You are a community who can teach, learn, support and love each other. Drop the daggers. Your children will note your community spirit.

      1. Or maybe take it one step more – stop looking around so much, and start being more present with our kids (the reason we’re at drop-off and pick-up) and ourselves. I can almost guarantee in that space we won’t even notice (or care!) what type each mom we see fits into. peace and love – hippie mama

    2. I cringed as I read and struggled to read to the end. Had I not gotten to the end, I would have left with the impression you had. I took away something very different. My impression was that she was done with the mean-spirited judgement of other mothers. If you reread the last mother, the “Mom Blogger”, I believe you may see that you are not as far apart as you think. Just my opinion.

    3. I have friends that are the exact opposite “look” to me. We go out to lunch and talk for hours because we have common interests mainly our kids and community which have nothing to do with what we look like. Other have commented that they can’t believe we are friends as we present ourselves so differently.

    4. I think you took it wrong, rarely when someone is judging others do they poke fun at themselves. I’m jammie mom exept when except when I’m sports mom or perfect mom…

  12. So funny…i find my self in several of these categories but I find my self avoiding the judgemental social media blogger the most. She’s thinks she’s not obvious with her oversized shades and disgust look on her face. Like she just ate a bucket of crap and can’t get that nasty taste out her mouth. She minus well say what she thinking cause it’s written all over her face. If she does have friends, she’s usually trashing someone with them like high school mean girls. Never pulls her own weight and is “no not my kid” kind of person. yet, never looks away from a computer to get to know her own child’s personality. I like the pj mom she’s a I don’t care what you think of me person. The hippy mom cares about something other than herself, the sports mom is her kids #1 fan. The PTO mom is our schools biggest fan, the skinny mom is hated on cause she looks good in anything and the perfect mom doesn’t think she perfect and knows her faults but won’t share that with someone who loves to judge people.

  13. How about the Über Mom!!! Tons of these in the Wash DC area. Super important in everything they do! Highly educated and paid therefore always on the cell, multitasking and running to a meeting. Have staff (a manny/nanny, cleaning people, trainer, masseur, therapist). Name drops politicians, holds fundraising initiatives, on several boards. Always rushing into the next function late because she was held up by someone or something more meaningful. She could be a combo of any of the types you listed above but rest assured, you will NEVER, EVER, EVER be as busy or as important!

      1. This was so on point. I had somone to realate every one of these too! But you missed one…Don’t forget the invisible mom. The one you never see. The one whos never been on a field trip or helped in the class. The one who is something amazing at her job while having 90 year old granny trotting her kids in to school every morning and the cig smokin teenager picking them up after school. The one whos child cries at EVERY holiday class party as they wait by the door for the invisible mom who isnt coming. Don’t be that mom. Seen it way to much and its heart breaking. Don’t be to busy making a living that you miss out on your life. ♡

      2. I want to reply to BB’s post about “invisible mom.” Sheesh, lady- some of us work. And it’s not just about having an “amazing career” – some of us can’t miss work. We either can’t get the personal time approved or we work in jobs where we don’t get paid if we don’t show up. We’re doing what we have to- don’t make us feel guilty about it. If you have the time to volunteer, then God bless you- I know the teacher appreciates the help. (and we do too.) But don’t assume we don’t care. Don’t ever assume that.

    1. Haha… in LA we have starf*cker moms. And I mean “star” ironically- a former child actor from a cheesy 90s sitcom or the ex-wife of a character actor who was once in a movie with Tom Cruise in the 80s. So when they drop their names, you’re like, “Who???”

  14. I know all of these types of mothers, but it nonetheless makes me sad to see women pitting other women against each other. All women are incredible. It doesn’t matter if you’re packing bento boxes, or if its all you can do to get your kids out of the house halfway dressed. Maybe she’s a single mother, and is rushing before work and hasn’t had time to fix herself up yet. Maybe she doesn’t work and has all the time in the world to make her kids lives as easy and comfortable as possible – so what? Shame on her for providing the best that she can for her child? I know plenty of women who have families that suffer from a history of diabetes- maybe she’s making sure everything is organic to avoid that and make sure her children are healthy? Just because one mother wants to buy 40 pack discount chip bags at Costco for cost efficiency doesn’t mean the mother who’s passion is living naturally is annoying or incorrect. And the hungry mother? I hope that whoever wrote this understands that eating and exercise disorders are actual mental struggles, and not the bud of your joke. No matter how they go about it, all of these women are waking up every day, providing for their children, doing the best they can, and unfortunately being rated on it – as if women don’t deal with that enough in today’s society. I would think that a mother who knows how tough motherhood can be, would spare them this one area of judgement, but we all know that women are cruelest to each other. I’m writing this as a 22 year old female, and it pains me to see an article being fed on like aunts around a sugar pile by women in their late 20’s, 30s, and 40s, speaking without compassion to individual unknown circumstances. I hope someone reads this note and sees it not as a berating, but more as a reminder to take a step back and realize that everyone has different struggles in their lives, and theirs are no less than yours. We are all humans, doing the best we can, filled with love for the little people we’ve made. We want to give them what we believe is the best, support them in the way we believe is best, and sometimes even prove that we are there for them in areas where our parents were not. Act and speak with compassion, not judgement.

    1. Aunts? I hope they bring some of that sugar back to the uncles.

      But seriously… I do so admire your zeal. It is evident that you are 22 and are still looking at life through the filter of someone who has not yet spent any significant time with any of the above stereotypical moms. And they’re just that — stereotypes. That’s what makes it funny (to someone who hasn’t run her sense of humor through the politically correct filter yet). I remember feeling that way. And I now have a 25 year old daughter (as well as 21 and 17 year old daughters) who are still somewhat untainted by the world — it’s a beautiful thing. Please understand that this author either makes a living or enjoys her free time putting words together to make people laugh. I can nearly guarantee that she is not purposely disparaging any of the moms she describes (as is evidenced by her self deprecating jabs at the end there). It was meant to be light and humorous and I would bet my retirement fund that one of these days when you have children and those children go to school, you will run into at least ONE mom (likely many more) who will make you roll your eyes and think of this post. Not in a mean way — just in a “that’s life” kind of way and maybe by then you’ll at the very least get a little smirk on your face, shake your head, remind yourself to be politically correct and love everyone, and then ask her to join your yoga class.

      By the way — I carry a piece of nearly every one of the above stereotypes in my DNA… I’ve never actually worn PJs out of the house, but I have driven to school in sweats and/or slippers… I’ve Martha Stewarted my kids’ lunch… I’ve worn boot camp like a badge of honor… I’ve been a girl scout leader… I’ve organized fundraisers… And some years I’ve done NOTHING. I don’t feel judged at all by this post.

      1. Again, someone in their forties has to pin point the negative thing in a post that was meant only to be an eye opener to the rest of the readers on here finding joy in this post. So please excuse my one typo in all 418 words. I’m sorry that you see me as “naive”, and clearly 22. I however, look at myself as a female growing up in a generation that is actually aware of the way they treat others (behind the guise of a blog or not). Racial jokes also make people laugh. They’re stereotypes too. Lets make money off a blog post about those! It’s a known truth that people only make jokes that they feel are supported by some shred of truth that they believe. So maybe all this mom is doing is “putting words together to make people laugh”, but she believes what she has written, no matter how small the degree. And there are other moms reading this that use it as fuel for their fire, for their hatred towards other mothers doing it “differently”, big or small. You clearly aren’t taking into account the fact that I know every single one of these mothers – because I grew up in a public school in a middle class suburb. They were in my classes, they were roaming the hallways, they were helping out at fundraisers. And guess what – to me, as a child growing up in a public school- who always felt out of place, I loved having those moms around. They made me feel included, they made me feel like I had someone I could talk to on field day. They made me feel accepted when they said Hey in the hallway, or told me my outfit was cute. I didn’t have many friends, and it was those moms who made it bearable by being involved and taking note of what was going on. I’m out of school now and I see the other side of those moms too. I know that all mothers gossip to some degree. But they made my day better when I was little, and my sister in law is a mother now, and I have a better understanding of my own mother, and I still am uncomfortable with a woman being publicly applauded for the berating of other women, humorous or not.

  15. Dear Lady Goo Goo Gaga,

    I’m not a mom, but many of my friends are. And I love being an aunt to all their kids. This article was hilarious, thanks for writing. I’ll definitely be on he lookout when my time comes!



  16. How about the humorless mom who doesn’t understand satire? I can handle all the other types because at least they’re committed to something. The ones who take themselves too seriously make me run for the hills. Thanks for making me laugh today! That was great. I love the celeb photos to go along with it.

  17. also, watch out for the mom that unforgivingly tears down other women…. for absolutely no reason. I am truly appalled. Women (and moms) have enough going on without the scrutiny of other wormen over their personal choices… Ever heard of the phrase “to each their own”? This is extremely catty and frankly quite gross.

  18. There are many funny observations here (I love the bit about PTO moms), but I think several others are just insulting and spiteful. For instance, the preface “It’s bad enough that you don’t have make-up on…” As a man I find the very idea of make-up ridiculous. Men and women look just fine without it. What a waste of money and time. My wife is a total hippie, and I love her for it. She doesn’t use make-up or face cream, she has greying hair (never mind the roots), and I think she’s beautiful, even if others heckle her for it, which they often do. Okay, we don’t do the organic cotton bag thing, but we and our kids bike wherever we can. I assure you, we don’t do it to offend people or rub their noses in our supposed superiority. It is, as you said, to help save the environment. I think that’s a good thing rather than a reason to be mocked.

    I know, I know, I should heed the other commentators and relax since it was all just a joke (“Didn’t you see the last paragraph?”). However, consider that I almost stopped reading half-way through because I found the first few paragraphs so snotty. Meaning, it was not at all clear that this was a parody. Or was it?

  19. This is great! Love a good laugh. Especially when It’s fellow mom’s being REAL. Cause why waist time being anything else?!

  20. Oh, you forgot the Sexy Mom! The 4″ heels, the painted-on leggings, the smoky eye and bright red lipstick, the long streaky beachy waves hair and the long, long French manicured nails… All for chaperoning the Kindergarten field trip to the pumpkin patch!

  21. So, don’t forget about us Working Mom! You know the ones… we send our kids off to school with unbrushed teeth or hair, mismatched socks or summer clothes in the winter or winter clothes in the summer. We try to put together science projects using cardboard (from our frozen pizzas we made last night) chewing gum and three highlighters… just hoping it’s enough to earn her a passable grade. We show up at parent/teacher conferences (the latest spot possible) with a smile on our face in hopes of being able to pay a full 15 minutes worth of attention, while NOT trying to check our company email… We have every intention of working with flash cards for math once we get home… and can cook dinner, do a load of laundry, answer our boss’ 5th email tirade and still kiss our husband and remember to feed the dog (we have a dog?!!!) We volunteer once year, don’t answer the teacher’s email (wait did it get through our work email spam filter) and hope that you won’t judge our kid by the fact that you couldn’t pick our face out in a line up! Either way, we really do appreciate the fact that you take care of Junior day in and day out and hopefully at the end of the year we will reward you with a Starbucks Gift card (regifted of course!)

    I love this article. Totally made me laugh. I can relate to it and really am that working mom as described above! We all bring our own style of ‘momness’ to the playground!

  22. You forgot the schizo-mom; she’s anorexic and gluten free, so skinny she doesn’t actually need a bra under her lululemon yoga pants at drop off. Her kids wear Burberry to school, sometimes with nerdy glasses, so they seem smarter. Big honking luxury suv, Facebook page plastered with Martha Stewart-esque meals and crafts. Plus she dated a former NBA player in college who flew her to Paris for a weekend booty call. She’s soooo important, she reposted your post on her Facebook page without recognizing that she captures most of the moms to avoid. And yes, we all try to avoid her.

  23. Re: the hungry mom. Have you ever thought about how much effort it takes for a woman to be thin and in great shape? I’ve spent 3 years losing 35 lbs and getting in great shape. All I hear now is insults from friends and family and people like you. If you’re so unhappy with yourself, why don’t you get off your fat ass and go to the gym? And stop eating pizza dumb ass! Stop taking it out on fit women because you’re a lazy pig!

    1. I think I’ve about heard it all now. Wow… Sandra, the only person your comment is a reflection of is you. All that anger isn’t good for you, darlin. Lady G here didn’t say anything to offend you personally. Goodness!

    2. Sandra you made me laugh! You can’t be serious? You sound like something out of an SNL skit. Lighten up. Oh wait, you already did, 35 pounds.

  24. And she stalks other people’s children, going to their games and shows when her kids aren’t even involved, THAT’S how much she loves them. And she adds red bull to her vodka, to keep her peppy behind the oversized designer shades.

  25. Once upon a time we could laugh at ourselves but after reading some of the comments, sadly that is no longer true. I thought this was funny, and I love that you can laugh at yourself. Sort of reminded me of an adult gossip girl.

  26. Holy CRAP I can’t believe how many women on here have their panties in such a twisted bunch….for the love of GOD lighten up, stress is bad for your heart! So you recognize yourself in these descriptions? Big whoop! EVERYONE falls into some kind of category (whether they think they do or not). Have a laugh and remove that stick from your butt, you’ll feel better, I promise! I have witnessed and/or know every one of these types of Moms, so this blog cracked me up….”She eats her own placenta”…LOLOLOL…that’s freaking GOLD right there. Also, please read the whole thing and COMPREHEND it before you spew your wounded vitriol…the writer included herself in the descriptions already so to those of you trying to categorize her, you sound ridiculous….like a petulant child: “yeah, well, you’re a big, fat jerk”…smh. Hey Lady GooGooGaGa, can you add another category so I can be included in this as well? Let’s call it, The Smug Aunt! This woman chose not to EVER have kids because she’ll NEVER be mature enough to deal with them! You can see her at certain games holding court with the kids because they think she’s so cool when she shows up…they know that after the game if they can convince you to let them sleep over her house she will let them do pretty much everything you forbid. You can see the Smug Aunt glancing at you out of the corner of her eye with a look that’s 1 part pity, 1 part amusement, and the last part begging you to tell her this horror of a game/recital/play is almost over so she can go drink a martini. While she is never going to experience Motherhood firsthand, she most definitely and MISTAKENLY believes that if she did she would do a much better job than everyone else and NO WAY would her child ever do THAT. Everyone loathes the Smug Aunt while secretly wanting to be her for one night…the only reason being so they can go out for martinis and then sleep the entire night without being awakened once. :)

  27. I am so many of these moms. Can that be an accomplishment in itself? I’ve done the pajamas, pto hunt you down, sports gear, sappy lunch letters and today a friend who is sup amazing and beautiful told me she was intimated by my perfect parenting skills. I then shook her by her shoulders and are you kidding me my kids talks back to me all the time!!! I realized that no matter how much of a lose I may think I am I need to let my friends know too so they don’t walk around delusional.

  28. Loved this! My husband and I had a great laugh over it. I’m a life coach and have dealt with all of these women in one way or another. Everyone is insecure in some way, but laughter is the greatest cure for stress. Hopefully the people who are offended beyond belief will lighten up and find their happy place at some point! :-)

  29. @Lauren Cashwell — It’s unfortunate that you read so much negativity into my reply to your post. Re-read it and you might see that I was calling your perspective admirable and refreshing. It reminded me of how I viewed the world 3 grown kids ago. And I was not picking on your one typo… I made a silly joke from it (which is why I followed it with “But seriously…). I think it’s wonderful that you had a variety of moms to look up to who helped to shape you when you were in school. I think that’s half the reason we mothers volunteer at school. But the perspective of a teenager is completely different than that of a mom of multiple children who has experienced the company of these same women as peers. There’s no comparison. Regardless, I understood the point of the blog post — it was humorous, period. I was not offended by it because I understand that the author meant no offense by it. It’s not up to me (or her) to determine where your personal line of decency is. Sometimes I cross my own, which is how I know I still have one (credit: Daniel Tosh — a comedian who offends EVERYONE).

  30. A – It was all tongue in cheek. She DID talk about herself, she’s jokingly the judgemental blogger mom. So cool your jets there, you insecure, holier than thou, never judged anyone ever moms. Oh except Lady Googoo Gaga, her you may judge. I personally feel that she should have used her sarcasm font.
    2 – IT WAS FUNNY!!! And spot on! I am a combo PTO/joiner/volunteer-for-everything mom AND sports (hockey) mom. Plus while I’m not perfect in appearance I do strike for perfection so I’ve got that annoying little trait as well.
    C – All of the above! I have “mom friends” in every category above, and then some, and they are all lovely people and I’m looking forward to seeing them more often at various upcoming school & sporting events.
    Please excuse any typos. 😜

  31. First I want to say the comment about you being the super insecure mom is by far the most hysterical. This mom deserves a category of her own: the “we all hope you shut your angry ass up” mom. Some people are just miserable and can’t see humor in anything, let alone their own insanity. Oh well. Anyway, I digress.
    I am in a category you didn’t mention, yet I know I am not alone. I put my bra on for carpool, under workout clothes that I rush out of into work clothes for a commission based job. . I am on the pto, single handedly raise thousands of dollars for the school but never have time to attend a meeting. I am a Homeroom mom but I don’t take it as my job to prove to everyone in the school that I have mad cupcake baking/decorating skills, nor do I think every day deserves a hand made cookie to celebrate the mundane.

    I am a single mom.

    I simply love my children, get them to school, help make the school a better place, quietly feed them healthy foods while maintaining a non-nazi regime, try to broaden horizons, show tolerance and acceptance, and constantly pray I don’t forget some dr. appointment, guitar lesson, scout badge project, teacher birthday, picture day, dress up day, car pool change, shoe size, wifi code, name/date of birth/blood type of best friends, teacher’s favorite flower, etc etc etc!!!!!!

    My children are growing. It’s my job to support, not make a life size paper mâché replica of the Eiffel Tower for little bobby’s birthday because his mama is from France. Mom of the year likely doesn’t have a life nor any fun anyway. We forget we are creating adults in our wake. Teach children what is important in life by showing them,truly put them first. Dont just say it!

  32. I have an idea. If you didnt think it was funny. Then click the x in the top right corner and stop being the hidden key board mom who lets out her life frustrations on fighting with people she doesn’t know because your bored and lonely. Boom

  33. Loved this! Thanks for the laugh! Little bit of me in several of these! LOL! Btw, if I do wear my pj’s for carpool, I always wear a bra–I have some decency–some, not much! 😉

      1. Yup! I often get only 3 hours of sleep. I’m not sacrificing 5 precious minutes to dress on the off chance someone sneaking a look in my car will be irritated by my slothfulness. 😛

  34. This is the greatest blog ever! I live in the Newport Beach/Costa Mesa School district in California and my gosh does it attract all kinds! The perfect moms are the worst though; we all know you aren’t going to the gym after drop off (although wearing Kate Hudson active gear) because you are in FULL make-up and dangled earrings. The “pajama crew” is present (one in particular is always barefoot *gross*), the PTO moms, which I did want to be my first year of elementary, I actually try my best to avoid now (too much damn work). The hungry moms are everywhere because we live down the street from the beach…WE’RE ALL HUNGRY! As for the sports moms…I will not comment on; I am a full blown Dance Mom and most likely one of those crazies. We’re all guilty…don’t judge me!

  35. Re: “Blogger Mom”

    It’s “d-y-e-d” not “d-i-e-d” hair.

    P.S. Good luck on the first day of school, mamas! :)

    1. Could be taken both ways…hair could be dyed…or could look dead… :-) I think the term we use is “Earthmother”. lol. I think Lady Goo Goo Gaga just had a great time putting this together AND as the husband I agree with the other husbands I’ve read here, she nailed it. My wife is a combo of all of them (she just said this so it’s ok if I post it)…except she’d never leave the house without a bra.

      One more thing. What in the heck did that opinionated spouter of hatred mean in his later comment “get back in the kitchen”??? I wonder if he washes his own underwear?

  36. When will I ever learn to stop reading the comments!?! Every flipping time, they turn what was an informative, enjoyable or, in this case, funny article or post into me “loosing” my faith in humanity again. Seriously people? Stop being so offended. Not everything is about you so dont take it personally. We are all different and flawed in our own ways. The sooner we can embrace those flaws and make fun of ourselves together, like this post did hilariously, the better off we’ll be.

    1. Amen Sister! These people have no sense of humor. When did we become too serious to laugh at ourselves? Seriously they all need to Chill and enjoy the article!

  37. This is an absolutely fantastic piece. Loved each description (especially the last one). Spot on! Although right now, I will gladly meet every kind of “mom” above if only to gain the utmost joy of seeing my kids off on a school bus.

  38. Good grief! To all the hyper-sensitive, no sense of humor having, must pick everything apart, can’t even laugh at satire, no fun at parties, suck at life b*tches – YOU, yes you, are the reason Ashley Madison had 35 million users.

    By the way, your husbands are lying to you when he tells you that someone else must have used his email address to sign up – deal with it and continue living your miserable, no fun lives.

      1. And the fact that you think a woman saying that if a man cheats on a woman it must be all her fault because she doesn’t fall down at his feet and match the woman bashing that goes on in so many men’s lives- because she’s standing up for what she believes is kind and right- that’s the truly sad part.
        I could never be married to a man who thinks an article like this and the comments on this page are not hurtful in some way or another. And therefore- would appreciate having a wife who believes in speaking with kindness. I’m sorry if you don’t feel comfortable enough to do that with your husbands.

      2. My husband and I laughed our asses off at this article and than continued about our lives because we arent zo concerned with what strangers on the internet think and dont take life so seriously :)

    1. oh man, now I have to go back and read all the comments. I have to find the lying husband one, that sounds like some funny stuff.

    2. This type of speech is exactly why I wrote what I wrote. To see a woman, pinning a man’s infidelity on a woman’s refusal to accept someone blatantly stereotyping and judging other women? Oh- I don’t like to hear other women get bashed, joke or not, and would prefer we treat each other with kindness so I must be a real stick in the mud! I bet my husband hates that quality! I have no fun! I’m the worst! It’s all my fault if my husband decides to cheat! Ridiculous…

      1. amen and thank you! There is no validation in stealing truth. A ‘man’ who cheats decided to do so irregardless to who the woman is , ts his own lack of integrity. # selfworth

      2. Nah Lauren~ it doesn’t necessarily make you a “stick in the mud” but perhaps you should have your husband remove the one from your ass and replace it with his schtick… lighten up! How did a satirical post become a platform for you to scream about cheating husbands?

        Are you one of those women who are always put together with every hair in place, serving cookies at the school event in heels? I have some reality for you sweet cheeks because you look young.. life gets messy when you least expect it and you can’t hold your bubble together all the time. at some point it will burst…

        and a little glitter bomb of truth because I can’t stand the type of mom who runs around thinking their little shit head of a brat is perfect.. Your kids are not perfect, they are not all winners, lay off the freaking hand sanitizer, time out is ok sometimes but you know what? sometimes they just need their ass whooped. (Though I have a sneaky suspicion you think you can calmly discuss the matter at hand in length with a 4 year old. Yeah~ this kid will grow up to be a real winner that everyone will love to be around~ insert eye roll..)

        You will find that it is exhausting trying to be so perfect all the time and you will come to learn that while your husband supports you and you share the same ideas now~ he will eventually grow tired of the kids and everything else coming before him..

      3. “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind. ” -Kipling

        Your words have been an antidote here. Thanks, Lauren, from me too.

      4. I had to read this twice, but I’m sorry @LaurenCashwell I see no where in this post that she mentions a man cheating on a woman and her thoughts about it? You must have Josh Duggar on the brain and are clearly responding to the wrong blog! This is Hysterical!! She should have added “the mom who needs to lighten up!”

      5. @emily I was referencing the comment made by “#stillhasasenseofhumor” in which she said women who didn’t find this article funny were the ones who drove their husbands to use sites such as Ashley Madison- a comment that the writer of this blog seemed to find quite humorous.

    3. The intensity of your blog comment…wow. Your statements are assumptions and perpetuate adultery culture. But since all’s fair…just sayin, that I can’t imagine any reason why your husband would ever want to join AM.

      He must be the type that tells you he’s “going out to meet a coworker who is feeling a little down.” Because I certainly can’t imagine having to put up with someone as closed minded as you. Just sayin.

    4. Lauren, I bet you’re a mom who also believes everyone should get a participation trophy. “Everyone’s a winner my little darling.” Geeze. Lighten up. It’s funny. I don’t get why a blogger can’t post a little humor without people getting their panties in a bunch. I have met each and every one of these moms…even the car pool demon..and to know other moms like me see the same thing…well…that makes me smile…and reminds me that we are all just trying to do the best we can. I bet you that the moms described above would even admit which one (if not a horrifying combo) they are…well…that’s if they have a sense of humor and can handle a little fun. ✌🏻️

      1. Ugh you’re right! That’s exactly what I am! What a TERRIBLE type of mom to be! I believe we should support children’s dreams and make them feel special! Someone take my woman badge away from me!

      2. Nah Lauren, no one will take your woman badge. Like I said, we are all just doing the best we can. Someone, however, may write a hysterical blog about the type of mom you are. In the meantime, keep passing out your participation trophies and adding to the list another herd of self-righteous children who haven’t been taught coping skills, how to lose, or that sometimes life just sucks. That is working well in our society today…

      3. Lauren, seriously??? What are you like 23 maybe??? And you are on here discussing dropping kids off at school. You are barely out of school yourself. You state that you are upset that the writer of “This blog” (I might remind you it is her blog and if you dont like it you dont have to read it.) found a comment by someone else funny…. You didnt find it funny so f$%k everybody else’s humor, only your self righteous ass can make jokes and then and only then can everyone laugh.

        I will say it because no one else has said it yet Get off the cross b$tch, someone else needs the wood. Take that narcissistic, self centered, no humor having, stick in the azz personality and pizz off.

  39. I got a good little chuckle out of this. The one I could totally relate to is the mom who
    Shows up at drop off in their pajamas. Ugh that annoys me. Why can’t they take 5
    Extra minutes to get dressed and comb their hair?!?!?

    1. Because we are making our teenager PAY for missing the bus again. That’s my excuse for the couple of times I’ve been guilty of this one. Short hair is da BOMB for really good bed head that can be seen by all of the other kids walking in to school!!!

    2. Because they don’t give a f**k what you think!! See…that’s why they don’t take that extra 5 minutes.

    3. I work nights, so I generally get home, sleep an hour, get my son up and ready for school, drive him to the bus stop, and yes, in my pjs with a jacket or a hoodie thrown on, then go back home for four hours more sleep. Looking good for other moms is not even on my radar.

      1. Amen Darcy. No mom is on my radar ever… There are way more important things to do and be than to ‘look perfect’ when I’m not even getting out if the car! I usually love humor posts like this, and I kept waiting for the punch at the end where she told us that in some form or another she is all these moms. Instead, she punched us with the fact that she’s a judgy Judy. Now to me, THAT is the kind of mom *I* try to avoid.

      2. You have all failed to mention one of the best parts of this blog and post- the fact that someone’s username is hotmamabodywrap. That is simply amazing. There are no other comments needed.

  40. Wait, I’m not on this list. Oh yeah…I forgot, I’m the mom no one sees and I LIKE it that way!

    Loved your post!!!

    Here’s a BIG SHOUT out to the invisible moms just like me who make it all happen!!!

    I am the mom who mends 23-year-old marching band uniforms to get the band through just “one more year”. I’m the mom who cleans up behind the other moms who have trashed the various educational spaces of the classroom with the left overs from {insert event name here}. I am the mom who has carefully clued administration into issues from students to staff regarding home issues, financial issues, personal conflict issues, fires, deaths, broken hearts, loss of job focus…etc.

    I am the mom who continuously hosts teenage game night as well as the absolute must have – all night Mine-Craft sessions. I am the mom who will glue googly eyes back onto the trombone section spirit ring. I am the one who can and will tastefully add to fabric to prom dresses because school dress code and current fashion trends are polar opposites. I know all the kids on a personal level. I know who is dating who. And yes, I even know who is doing what.

    I am not magic even if I do happen to own a fairy princess crown. I work hard to do what I do and put in countless hours no one knows about. I am not paid but do receive a full bounty of love from the students and the staff. I am not having an affair with the teacher. (That one cracks me up every time.) I do however, encourage the various teachers I work with and point out to them the fruits of their labor. (Kids talk, I listen.) I am not wonder-woman though I wish I had that flashy red cape.

    Your post does crack me up. I think I could pick out every one of those moms you described.

    Here’s another you missed, however, and the mom who annoys me most. It’s the mom who swoops in, still wearing her geek tag (employee badge), to tell us other moms how everything should be done. This type of mom is “smarter” than everyone else and never seems to realize or care that copious amounts of thought and time have gone into the way something is set up. She is moving tables around at the last minute and telling the rest of us what we should have done. My own son has uttered in amazement, “wow mom, I’m impressed you didn’t lay her flat.” I don’t because it’s generally a waste of time to argue with a mom like this and honestly, there’s entertainment value to it all when her way breaks down and I move the tables back so the event can proceed as previously planned.

    So PLEASE watch for me. I will never ask you for anything, I do not have time to talk, I don’t gossip and have no secrets to share, BUT if you bring me a large Tim Horton’s Caramel Mocha Latte, I promise you, I will LOVE you FOREVER!!!!

    btw— I did not write this comment to complain but to offer kudos of gratitude to all of the unsung heroines & heroes of our schools. Thank you!!

    Now someone please…. bring me that Latte!!! Do you really think this carpet is going to scrub itself???

  41. This. This is epic. The article was adorable and I love it and she even poked fun at herself and opened many eyes. If they weren’t so busy pointing fingers at evvvveryone else. You did forget that mom. The one that talks about everyone and everything but lives off the government and complains about everything and smokes like a chimney….other than that. Spot on 😉

  42. So funny. I too have been pretty much each of these moms. I have worn bra and normal shirt with pj bottoms and slippers hoping I would not have to get out of the car but look presentable from the waist up. Have done the crazy baked goods like Martha Stewart, been or pto for almost 2 decades and worn my workout clothes into school too many times. But the most important mom is the mom who can laugh at herself which obviously you can do. Sometimes we get a hair cut lose a few pounds and overdress for meet the teacher and other times we can look like something the cat dragged in. I still crack up at the single mom who used to jog by the school drop off line at exactly the time the most cars would be there in her jog bra and shorty shorts. Only to show up after school dressed in her sexiest outfits.

  43. I was the pj mom. I worked 2nd shift for many years and was lucky to get 5 hours of sleep. Too bad if anyone was offended by my pj’s and slippers while dropping my child off at school 6 hours before my work day started – I didn’t go into the school like that. My kids were happy I was able to talk over their days in the morning when I got their things ready. We were able to have uninterrupted time in the mornings – no phone calls, places to be, people stopping by, etc. So instead of family time at dinner we had family time at breakfast. It was peaceful and productive. Who the heck cares what I’m wearing for my quality family time when it doesn’t fit into the standard work/school hours? I’m guessing that the folks who are annoyed by this are the first ones to get into their sweat pants as soon as they get home from work.

  44. So funny, and yes I wear oversized sunglasses..so I don’t make eye contact with moms at my bus stop, games, store, driving through neighborhood, etc!

  45. This was all kinds of awesome. And hysterical. The Mom at the soccer game who still doesn’t know what “off sides” is after 10+ years of my kids playing, nor do I ever know the friggin’ score? Um yeah, thats me. Hee.

  46. Wow. So you basically hate everyone. I bet you’re a real picture of perfection which brings me to ask….why don’t you post a picture of yourself? Let’s see your perfect face!

  47. Sheesh!

    I’d be a pretty sad person to care that much about the irrelevant people around me, and then to care what they thought of me. Lol.

    Worry about yourself.

  48. I am so the pj mom minus the nipples. I wear a bar tank and don’t get out of the car. My girls start so early and I am not a morning person

    1. Me too!! I am so the pj mom minus the nipped and don’t have to get out of the car but I still love this article! There are a couple of other I may have exhibited a bit of being at times as well (crazy sports mom :/) but this is hilarious and spot on! We should all be able to laugh at ourselves ladies…good and bad! Love this!!

    2. Yep, I am so guilty of the PJs as well. I am not a morning person even after a full night’s rest. I do make a point of putting on a bra if I didn’t wear a sports bra to bed. I’ll even pin up my hair in a messy bun. I don’t have to get out of the car either. If I know I need to make a pit stop somewhere or go inside to see a teacher I will change and make myself presentable.

  49. Sometimes I drop my older son off at school… In my pajamas. But, that’s on nights I’m up for hours at a time with my younger son who is fighting for his life. There is a person inside those pajamas trying just as hard to be a good mom as everyone else. And she takes care of her children. And she cries, and she has joy and pain. And her nights may be endless as she waits for the day to come when she has to bury her child. Please start worrying more about those moms that abuse their children and mistreat them, that’s the real tragedy.

    1. You’re doing a great job–we all are–I think the blogger makes that point when she spoofs herself in the end. I personally don’t care what mothers wear in the car line…I wish I could wear my pajamas! We don’t need to judge each other but somehow having a sense of humor about it does make it easier for some of us. Don’t take it to heart, dear friend. She was only meaning to be entertaining. Praying for you and your sweet child.

      1. Making entertainment by being mean and judgmental, and calling it “having a sense of humor” – is saying not only that pointing and laughing at vulnerable people makes life easier (?!?) – but also that since it makes life easier, well…then, it’s OK. What in the world?!!

    2. So- clearly you are the pajama mom!! Good for you. This is simply a lighthearted blog and not to be taken personally… Relax and enjoy a good laugh. We are all trying to be the best moms we can be… No judgement!

  50. You forgot to mention one… The mom who can’t follow the fucking rules of carpool. You know her, she’s turns left when there’s a no left turn sign. She cuts to the front of the line because clearly what she has to do is more important than everyone else. She gets out of the car to buckle/unbuckle her child (shouldn’t they be able to do this on their own by elementary school), then stands there and waves until they enter the building. Blowing kisses like they’re going off to war. Worse yet, when it’s raining she gets out and ushers her child to the door under an umbrella. You’ve heard about children who melt in the rain right?

    1. Spot on! Sometimes she HAS to park the car smack in the middle so no one can pass. She HAS to walk her daughter to class and speak to every person along the way. Cars piling up and just then, she walks out and ignores the honking and lights a cigarette before getting back into the car and taking another minute to drive off. OMG, I have been caught behind this MOMSTER several times a year for the last two years.

    2. omg-YES! not only does she try..emphasis on try…to cut in at the last moment, but rolls down her window and tells you that “You must not be a good Christian because you won’t let her in”?…. ummmm.. I am sorry but what??

    3. Yes!!! That carpool line will drive me to drink. We have .oms that REFUSE to move in the line. You gave to bunny hop past them as they want precious child to only walk directly in a perfect line from door to car. Line cutters and those who let their kids out 3 lanes over to run between moving cars as they don”t do car lines. Makes me crazy!

      1. Don’t forget the carpool line moms who get there 30 mins or more before school lets out so they can be first in line. I’m sorry, I have better things to do with my life than sit in the carpool line for a half hour!

  51. This made me pee my pants laughing – and I really needed a good belly laugh today! You NAILED it – and then some!! Loved it and think I see myself in all of them – scary!

  52. You forgot indiffferent mom
    Who works full time and goes to school full time, has bags under her eyes. Hands the kids a wad of ones, peels the sock off of their pant leg as they climb out of the car and yells loveyouhaveagoodday…as she peels away from the curb attempting to get to work or class on time.
    Loved this by the way!

    1. Why do you think that Mom is indifferent? Sounds like a very busy mom who is trying to provide for her family/educate herself/etc.

      1. It is a joke!!!! The whole article and this person’s comment. Come on people, when did we all lose our sense of humor?

  53. Can’t we all just look at ourselves and laugh? We have a glorious variety of strengths, weaknesses, quirks etc. Life is way more interesting with all characters included for just being themselves/ourselves. Most women will fall into one or more of these categories. Lighten up y’all and God bless!

    1. Yes, life is way more interesting with all characters included. So list the characteristics, laugh together about those characteristics — but that doesn’t mean declaring you want to avoid people, or mock their pain, or declare they are somehow lying to themselves by being themselves! There’s being lighthearted, and there’s being mean; this post crossed that line.

  54. You said these are moms you wouldn’t want to spend any length of time with…maybe you should try and create a relationship with some moms like you have described so you can have a better understanding of who they are and their life rather than a shallow “I will make fun of them” attitude towards them. Laughter is great and we all need it but wouldn’t it make a better difference in the world if people used their “platforms” for encouragement rather than put downs and sarcasm?

  55. All of these moms want the same thing in the end. Our children to be happy and healthy! Mae all come from different walks of life. Let’s support each other!! Kinda of a shallow article though. Some of these moms I would like to be friends with because they sound real!!

    1. How deep is a satirical article supposed to be?
      I am Jammie mom, yell at the ref mom, and notes in the lunches mom. Be who you are. Just never be suffocating to your children. I have a son in college, he’s doing awesome! But the smarter, ‘hovered over’ kids are dropping out like flies. Seriously. Give your kids some room to fail. We are all raising adults, right? Not whiny needy pseudo know-it-alls.
      Yeah for school starting!!

  56. Pure genius!!! Fabulous….however, there is nothing wrong with your only calories in being from vodka…as long as you run them off:)

  57. Thank you for the morning laugh! Everyone who doesn’t think this is hysterical needs to lighten up and look in the mirror!

  58. This brought back some memories—not all of them good ones. But, you have the right idea—blog about them. Unfortunately, blogs had not yet been invented when I was dealing with those mothers.

  59. This is so awesome and so on point!!! Somehow, I’m a little bit of most of these. I live in lululemon but im RAReLY on my way to the gym, my hair is a mess 70% of the time, we’re totally organic, crunchy, green people, Im all about room momming, i constantly have Everybodys kids in my suv, I own a catering business and retail vegan/gluten free food so thats our diet 85% of the month and im always trying to catch just enough of gymnastics, swim class or jujitsu to give the thumbs up at the right moment! Lol

  60. Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!! So funny! Lighten up mommies. We gotta laugh at ourselves . Truth is –I want to be a little bit of all 7 moms. Thank you for the laugh!

  61. I read this over an hour ago and I am still laughing. Clearly you touched a nerve with some people who should probably learn to take a joke but I think it’s pure brilliance. Only one more I can think of to add to your list…the frenzied, uniformed mother. The one who discards school emails/paperwork and then accosts the PTO moms in the hallway with the school spirit payment that’s 10 days late. I am that mom… Unorganized and nutty. I’ll join hungry mom for the pure vodka and not for caloric reasons 😉

  62. Sooo.. This makes the writer what kind of mom? The “low self-esteem mom”, the “judgemental mom”, the “humiliating, ignorant mom”??

  63. You forgot the city mom. Too cool for school and consider angry birds a violent game. Children must look trendy and it’s never ok for the kids to ask mommy why don’t we have a yard with toys in it but they all are taught to sing in French as a alternative. Totally PC with every frigging thing. 5 people and the the dog live in a one bedroom walk up because suburban parents are not cool and they are frighten to think about living there even though everyone of them grew up in the suburbs

  64. Women Rock! Love all you ladies, keep doing the best you can! The mom that always gets me on the first day of school is the mom whose obviously fighting a battle. Whether it’s breast cancer, a husband who’s left, a sick child or parent, a job loss or something else, that mom reminds me to be kind because you never know what someone is going through and she reminds me to be thankful for today.

  65. Kat:

    “irregardless to who” ? Seriously? It’s painful to even read that. Call up the community college from whom you got your Communications degree and sue them for negligence. You were robbed.

  66. This is HYSTERICAL!!! I know each and every one of these moms and have to face them at school each year. Let’s face it, we all have one or two of these traits (although we don’t like to admit it) I can’t believe people got upset over this post. It’s freaking hysterical and SPOT ON!!

    Keep blogging….I love your posts!!

  67. Loved this! I read it for the first time this morning and have found myself still giggling as I’ve thought about it throughout the day :) Thank you for the “Mom” humor! And yes, erink, the “uninformed mom” – I think that was always me for years! Ha ha!

  68. OMG, thank you for the laugh! The best part was trying to figure out which Mom I am, or am trying to be, or have been in the past……But also, I have a submission. How about the “Mom of the Year Contender”? You know her. She’s similar to PTO Mom, in that she’s In-On-Everything, but not because she truly feels driven to make things better, and not to the extent that she’s actually taking on responsibilities, just enough so that can have bragging rights. She has several different stage voices, and takes every public gathering as an opportunity to share life changing advice with her children. Pretty much everything she says when is public is for the benefit of those around her, not the person to whom she’s directly speaking….(I say “to” and not “with” because she doesn’t really listen, she talks at you and then merely waits to speak next). She also pronounces everything ethnically, knows everyone better than you do (not really) and knows everything before you do (not so much). In fact, she makes up silly nicknames for people to prove she knows them really well. Nicknames that nobody else uses. Ever. It’s such an obsession, she sometimes tries to finish your sentences to prove that she knows what teacher is leaving on maternity before you do. This is where she’s useful…Throwing her off is what keeps it interesting while sitting on the bench for the third soccer game in a row.

  69. Great article. Even better that it was followed by a look into the sad, angry, batshit-crazy lives of some of the commenters. Some of you should relax and call your therapist. Feel free to do so in your pj’s.

  70. LOLOL I don’t know any of these woman – my son rides the bus and it picks him up at our driveway every morning. LOLOLOL I don’t know what I would do if I had to take him to school every single day and have to face other women. She left out “Shy, doesn’t want to be seen Mom” who would dart in really quick drop off her kid and get to the car as fast as she can without anyone knowing who she is Mom LOLOL (That would be me. In my clothes and bra, but I suck at being a social butterfly because I am too busy being an awesome hermit. LOLOLOL)
    But… after 17 seasons of my son playing baseball (he is 12, I still have a long way to go) and my husband being one of the 2 coaches – I am usually quiet on the sidelines by myself. I make sure I show up in the team colors (usually the only mom that does) and I am their biggest fan (quietly)- but I have found the dads are much nicer than the moms. The moms are really judgmental and can be really mean to each other :(
    Did you guys see all the women fighting each other in the comments below the blog? Some women scare me… They don’t have to be so meeeeean to each other :(

    1. And before anyone calls me “Lazy” – I work 12 hours a day all while facing very difficult medical challenges that are life threatening and life altering. Don’t go there. BE KIND to everyone – you never know the battles they are facing. I don’t talk to anyone – because I don’t want them to see what I am going through. Life is short. Let all of this roll off your back. The blog was meant to be funny.

  71. Loved it! Thanks for humor. God knows we “the MOM” need that daily dose of humor 😉
    Oh yeah, ignore the uptight moms, they need to take a chill pill and relax!!!!. This was suppose to be a fun humor article with some facts or more or less or none, who cares, read and smile and LEARN TO LAUGH!!

  72. I’m glad I’m a dad. Lol. But I still write notes on my daughter’s napkins. And I have no problem sending her to school with a fruit roll up for dessert.

    And I love all of these moms. They are my entertainment while waiting in those long carpool lanes directed by volunteer parents who take the “road gaurd” job WAY too seriously.

  73. Thanks for the laugh!! I think I could put names to each of these moms…but I won’t. :) When I read blogs such as yours it makes me want to do more than an art blog. I want to blog about the crazy reality surrounding me.

  74. I can take a joke. This isn’t funny. I’m tired of mom-shaming bloggers. Just let people be. Sometimes it’s more important to drop your kids off at school, even if it means you’re in pajamas. You don’t know what went on that morning. And some kids actually like it when their mom cheers for them, or volunteers at school, or any other thing you think you’re too good for. I noticed you tried to justify this blog with a small blurb making fun of yourself, but you missed the part where were all just trying to make it work for our family. Not looking for someone to dump their insecurities on them. There’s so much of this now, I guess this post just put me over the edge. You’re a good writer to be evoking this much emotion from people, be better than this.

  75. You must live in Greenwich because that’s where I live and I could name about 15 moms for each of these categories. Hilarious and hits very close to home. 😜

  76. The author must be fat. That’s what I get from this article. A jealous overweight mother who feels inadequate about herself as both a mom and possibly a wife. Her house is possibly a mess and she claims being a mom is the hardest job in the world when in actuality we could list 30 jobs that are much harder. Keep drinking the wine and put another DVD in for the kids to watch. Meanwhile her husband is busting his ass at work all day and can’t even get a little play at night. Personally, I’m glad you are jealous of woman like my wife.

    1. Sadly yes. Here in the good ol’ US of A, the perpetually offended are the loudest, and satire is usually taken at face value.

      Dearest mommy blogging author. I loved the list! It made me laugh, and do a little commiserating. I enjoy that you actually threw “yourself” in there at the end, and I lived even more finding the commenters that didn’t fully read it and thought it acceptable to write such horrible things. Keep it up. If you can’t laugh at your surroundings and yourself, you’ll end up like “them”.

  77. You so nailed it! And you offended the types of women you wrote about!! I bow to thee. I blog about them too, and nasty school principals (who later call me into the office and ask me to take down the posts…ha). I take them down. Temporarily…😉. Keep offending. We need he laughs, and the Stepford Wives need a good colon cleanse.

    1. LOLOLOL As a father, I thought it was pretty hilarious bein I’ve come across mother’s alot like these she mentioned, LOLOL I have, however, come across others that were worth the time of day & great to talk to without any problems. But , them yr.’s r long gone bein all my kids r oh so grown up now, BUT there r these schools that still exist by my house & the neighborhood has once again come alive with early bodies, walkin, skate boardin, running or driving (or bein drivin, lol) to school. Just when u were gettin used to not havin to slow down thru school zones, the next school season starts up again & everybody keeps forgettin to slow down & thier speeding thru the school zones & the tickets r rackin up, lolol I can sit out front of my house & just watch & listen to the sirens, lolol Oh well, let the New Season Begin!!! Watch out for those “Certain Mom”s, LOLOLOL Don’t ya just love it???LOL

  78. Hahaha you are hysterical and nailed it! We are only in “preschool” (well day care but I fork out way to much for a ‘better’ environment) and it’s the same :-) I love your humor sense. I want to know you. I want to be your friend! Any chance you live in my town?

    (I really love your response above -about the husband thing- wtf? Hahaha)

      1. This is all the best thing I have ever heard! My husband just read it to me because he knew I would like it. In which I said, I need to be best friends with her!

  79. What about the overly judgmental stuck up bitch mom, who thinks its doesn’t take a shit heal of a person to bitch and blog as if she is an acception. Seeing as how you managed to complain you superficial ass off about everyone, I assume you fall in a few of these categories. There is an asshole in every group and if you don’t know who isn’t the asshole that no one likes its probably your superficial ass. Also, I see nothing wrong with pajama mom. Sure a brah would be appropriate especially with kids around. Congratulations your acting like cunt mom. Hide behind the internet some more or maybe express you concerns out loud with pta mom. At least she’s trying to make your kids life better. Good night cunty mom.

      1. Why are you so angry? Odd for one to have such disdain toward a stranger over such a trivial subject like grammar. Do you need a hug? Lol

    1. Firstly, did you read the’Mom Blogger’section? To anyone paying attention, she was clearly referring to herself. Secondly, this is not meant to be taken seriously, buy a funny bone.

    2. Hmmm, didn’t see I Have Horrible Grammar So I Use Tons of Expletives to Get My Irrational Point Across Mom on the list.

    3. Did you not read about the 7th mom? She was referring to HERSELF! Maybe you aren’t intelligent enough to have caught that though. Your ridiculous language leads me to believe I am right. No self-respecting, educated man would write that.

    4. Glad nobody was hat bitchy to me when I was the anorexic mom at school. I was really unwell and didn’t need this crap.

      Preach, Ralf. You’re right. What an ass this blogger is.

      1. So in your effort to make a point about the blogger being “an ass”-you choose to support a man sending a hateful message and calling said blogger a cunt for no apparent reason?? LOL hilarious

      2. Ugh. KateSchmate, come-on! Ralf is just a little kid. (Good God, lets hope so)…this was a funny post…we all have problems, and we try to pull ourselves together and have a good laugh…anorexia, cancer, sudden death of a loved one…yeah, these are symptoms of the human condition and not badges we flash to excuse name calling. Darling, there are far more worthy causes to feel passionate about than a blog meant to make you smile. Sidebar: I truly hope you have been able to find a way to cope with your anorexia. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be, not to mention physically taxing. Sending prayers and good thoughts for your continuing healing—:)

    5. You’re not that adept at picking up satire & sarcasm, huh? I surely hope you read ’til the end and realized that the writer was also saving the biggest poke of all to be directed at herself.

    1. Ken Morris, the only thing more hilarious than your thoughts is your spelling and sentence structure. Funniest shit I’ve read all day. Thank you!!!

  80. You had me going until a grammatical error. Ugh. “his vs. is” under “The Mom Blogger”. Am I the only one that can take a perfectly written scenario, and ruin it? Yes. That’s the only answer.

  81. Omg too funny!! Love the blog I am a mom of 3 under 10 and have a bit of each in me. I know all the above types listed! Excellent observations written perfectly.

  82. I did breastfeed my child until he was 2 (and this was 24 years ago, I’m dam proud of it) and now at the age of 60, I’ve embraced my silver locks and am proud of that also but still, I totally appreciated the satire and humor, I remember many of these moms….

    1. Okay, I’m struggling with people tonight. You are dam proud? Did you stop a whole hell of a lot of water from flowing? Who are we graduating from high school these days?

  83. I like to think I have a great sense of humor.. But it’s getting annoying coming across blogs shaming moms.. Our job is hard enough as it is. My mom always told me that people that poke fun at you are just jealous.. Some things never change I suppose.

  84. Hysterical Lady! I’m so glad you made such a stir. Just proves that you are a great writer that can stir up such emotion! Kudos!!

  85. I’m a middle school teacher, and my wife was a PTA mom, so I can say from experience that you have nailed it. Great job!

  86. A summary of this entire discussion:

    Person A tells a joke

    Person B: “That was hilarious.”

    Person C: “That was offensive”

    B to C: “Lighten up. It was just a joke. Get a sense of humour.”

    C to B: “I have a sense of humour. But I still found this joke offensive.”

    B to C: “You F***** B****! Get off the cross, you self-centered, narcisistic, witch! Your husband and kids must be miserable living with s*** like you!!! I’ll bet he cheats on you on Ashley Madison! I’ll bet you’re not even a parent! Now pizz off and LIGHTEN THE F*** UP!!!”

    And there you have it. A microcosm of the entire human condition.

    What struck me more than anything in the post itself is how fast disagreement turned into vitrolic hatred. How quick people in both camps were to turn a difference of opinion over an article into savage personal attacks using the most hurtful words the English language has to offer.

    Even sadder is that if B and C met at a party, they’d probably get along just fine, maybe even become friends, go out for drinks, invite each other over. Being parents who’ve seen it all, they’d swap advice and funny stories about the joys and foibles of parenthood.

    I am certain someone will now reply what a horrible person I am. Maybe I am a horrible person. But will spitting insults and hatred at me make you any less horrible?

    1. Sorry to disappoint, but I agree. Lol I was just thinking wow that covers all of us mom’s and dad’s for that matter, doing the best we can in all our seperate lives. It is a struggle to maintain family, friends and self. Everyone finds comfort in different things but what we need the most is understanding and we can all be taught something through laughter. It wouldn’t be funny if you picked on one “type” of mom but the spectrum was covered, through most of us are a mixture of all these things and I think it is beautiful. :-) Love your kids the best way you know how.

    2. Oh no! There appears to be a problem!!!!! I don’t see anyone throwin “Ur a Horrible Person Insults” at u as of yet. Well, I ain’t gonna be one of em’ cuz I thought this whole thing was hilarious as all get-out!! LOLOLOL Lady Googoogaga was awesome & made 1 hell of a great cake. U came along & put on the icing!!! LOLOL People in this day & age seem to have totally LOST thier sense of humor & that’s if they even had one to start with. There’s far too many problems in this world as it is. I try to find the humor in as much as possible, even my own problems. For example, I’ve been thru alot of different surgeries over the yr.’s & yes, they were extremely painful & in some cases, took along time healing but it’s laughter & humor that I found out helps to heal & change ur attitude & outlook on life, regardless what u have had to go thru. Alot of these people need to pay attention & lightin the hell up!!!! Suck on a bottle of Helium (sp?) or somethin, lolol If I go walkin thru the grocery store with the “Walkin Farts” & people start lookin at me, I just tell em’ the floor is wet causin my sneakers to make funny noises!!! It works most of the time, LOLOL Ya’lls were great!!!

  87. Doesn’t anyone see that she’s just made fun of herself as well? And that we can see a little bit of ourselves in all these moms? I agree with Carolyn’s question.

    1. Did you see that her description of herself was half the size of the others and twice as nice…. kind of like admitting that you pick your nose because you don’t want people to know you torture animals.

  88. I know that I’m supposed to think this is funny, but it reads as just another piece outlining all the things that moms are doing wrong. I wasn’t offended, it just made me feel even more tired that I already felt and I didn’t think that was even possible. Also, it really wasn’t very funny.

  89. Here’s the deal. I was spying on my child’s recess today, after MANY days of hearing about a little girl who is sending children home in tears because she is MEAN. While I was watching the interactions, I was texting with my friend (who’s daughter was in tears yesterday from the treatment she received from this rude little girl), to let her know that her daughter was playing with my daughter, and not the mean little girl (yay)! Another thing that I mentioned in my texts with my friend is how sad it is that this mean little girl probably learned how to be mean from her Mom. This could be wrong…it is certainly just an assumption. However, with social media, Mommy blogs, and all kinds of online ways for people to be voice their opinions and judgements, people have become more and more mean and intolerant of each other. Guess what…our kids are picking up on it. I have to agree that the above article is MEAN. We are all Moms, trying to do the best we can for our children and survive each crazy day, one day at a time. Whether we choose to do that dressed up or down, makeup or no makeup, in heels or tennis shoes, botox or no botox, cream or no cream, designer or Target clothing, for ourselves and our children, trying to make fun lunches for our kids or not, scribbling little love notes in lunch boxes, or not, or whatever else WE choose to do for ourselves, and our kids…WE, as the Mothers of our children, who we love, are entitled to do exactly what makes it possible for us to get through our days. Being a Mom is not easy and we each have our own struggles and pitfalls each day. Pitting Moms against Moms and women against women just sucks and I hate it when I see blogs or articles like this because I see the meanness starting in little girls as early as 1st grade. And I think that really, really sucks.

  90. LOL! Loved it! and I am the woman who takes pictures of whomever I want and blogs about it. And since I work from home, I may drop off my kid at school and may or may not have brushed my hair that morning. A finger combing may be sufficient… Let’s pretend I planned it that way!

    It is amazing how many people don’t understand satire. Have they NEVER read Erma Bombeck?? She’d REALLY piss them off!

  91. This is a Home Run!! My kids are now 14 and 17. My youngest son just entered high school this week. I can actually say that I have met all of these women during my children’s school years.

    Some of these parents went out of their ways in such extremes that my children have actually nicknamed horrible behavior after them. “Dad she is a booze hound like Jessica.” “Dad she wants to be noticed like slutty Stacy.” “Dad hide your checkbook. PTO Gretchen can smell it in your back pocket.” I could continue. I also used first names to protect the guilty.

  92. OK, first of all….the jerks who insist on using profanity after reading this blog….go get a life; no one asked you to read it! Secondly….I feel as though you described the town I live in, seriously! Thank you for a much needed laugh!!!

  93. This was quite funny but you forgot to include The Batsh*t Crazy Mom. You know the one she’s wound so tight her head will pop off at any moment?? The one who shows up at your doorstep with chicken soup when your sick and drives your out of control toddler to school willingly! She bakes muffins for the rest of your brood and just happens to pickup that favorite cookie mix at the store for you when she was there. BEWARE she begins friending (yes I just made that word up thanks to 21st century pop culture) your childhood friends on FB after meeting them briefly and likes every single picture, post, piece of garbage you put out there. Meanwhile as she draws you deeper into her web she begins to whine about how dysfunctional her life is. No one really appreciates all that she does for them (even though they never asked for any of it). Her husband is just not in love with her anymore and now what is she suppose to do go out and get a job?? Just when you thought you found a normal one BOOM Crazy comes out to play:) she decides you have somehow wronged her. She feverishly tosses her hair at parties in order to get your attention. Laughs extra loud to ensure that you understand you are not only no longer friends you are mortal frenemies! Oh no the horror!! You won’t waste hours upon hours of your time consoling her because the lunch lady at her child’s school was mean to her. Perhaps you could send her a bill for all of the brain training you’ll have to do in order to help restore your common sense! Seriously folks this is the one to avoid at all costs! This rare condition is contagious! I’d gladly hang out with a bra-less, breastfeeding small adults, hippy tree hugging perfectionist than Mrs. Batsh*t! She will take you down:) Just say NO!

  94. I’m glad to see all of them getting involved with their kids. Don’t be a hater, we are all weirdo’s and that is what makes this world so great. So much hate in the world today that no one can be different.

  95. I think Lady Goo Goo Gaga just had a great time putting this together AND as the husband I agree with the other husbands I’ve read here, she nailed it. My wife is a combo of all of them (she just said this so it’s ok if I post it)…except she’d never leave the house without a bra.

    One more thing. What in the heck did that opinionated spouter of hatred mean in his later comment “get back in the kitchen”??? I wonder if he washes his own underwear?

  96. You forgot about me! The “I don’t give a shit anymore mom”. I’m the mom who had four kids one right after another. I used to be the Hippie mom, then I morphed into the PTO mom and then I morphed again into the IDGAS mom. I used to pack the kids lunch now I throw money at them to buy lunch cause it’s easier! We have one in college, two in high school and one in Jr high. I have been through elementary school five times, Jr high five times, and high school now four times. I know more about California missions than any historian, I have been to outdoor ed multiple times. I am tired and I have realized that the kids don’t care about all that additional stuff you do for them, they just wanna be around you. Peace!

  97. Ah, come on, peeps. The Author reminds us here that we are ALL parents….tired, overworked, regretful, hopeful….freaking terrified! We make mistakes, we hover, we overreact, under react, we love too much, not enough, at the wrong time and once in a while the right time. Guys, we totally F–K up, each of us, every day, we try our best, sometimes we just prop our eyes open and get the hell through the day, but we try. We’re in this together. We aren’t enemies, and when we see that, and lean on each other and bounce ideas off of each other then we are using this blog—this community, correctly. Poking fun and pointing out weaknesses is counterproductive. Pull your shit together or log off. Your kids need you. xoxoxo

  98. You totally nailed this to the cross. My youngest is in college but I’m surrounded by a lot if these moms as neighbors and friends. The mom I find irritating are the ones who try to social climb through their kids’ popularity, that know every bit if gossip and are worried sick that their 10 year old won’t get into college without making a 2400 on the SAT…even though they can’t stop telling you what a genius their kid is. They rarely ask about you or yours but rather blather on about themselves and their perfectly clever kids. You are a great writer and the only way you’re going to stay married and not kill your family is through your sense of humor. Keep it up! I need to start blogging to save my own sanity. Nothing like luxuriating in the sound of your own voice!

  99. Having just escaped (barely) with my 14-year-old from nine years of private school, with all its PTO moms taking themselves SO seriously (you’re not running the White House, ladies), perfectly manicured parents with fake tans and Colgate-white teeth, and all that jockeying for “who’s doing the best job with their kids” — I can safely say that I thoroughly appreciated the PJ mom…..

  100. I prefer real people. Those with flaws. Those with character. Those who aren’t afraid of themselves. So she’s basically described my friends. I’m a mom of a ten year old. I think if we’re honest, most moms fit into one of these descriptions-at least sometimes. I think different people could call me the sports- hippie or hungry mom. I want to understand what’s happening if my kid plays the game. I was a complete hippie before kids. And I am in love with food without allowing myself to get fat. I know that the article is satire. But many moms become a shadow of themselves in a strange attempt to be a good mom.

  101. They forgot working mom. Shows up dressed in a suit with a panicked look on her face holding her phone. Her lipstick is on but hair out of place from sprinting from the parking lot seconds before the show. She smiles sweetly and then asks when the event will be over. She will not volunteer or take your kid. Often she will push her kid on to you. If you are lucky she might write a check.😉

    1. Close. She smiles sweetly, and thinks to herself, must be nice to have so much time on one’s hands that one can play tennis, go to Pilates, and still make it to the 4th grade concert 20 minutes early to save an entire row of seats and chat with the other mom-bots about how evil all the moms are who didn’t quit their jobs the minute the EPT turned blue. She then checks her calendar and is relieved to see that she’s spending her one day off working in the classroom and hosting a Girl Scout meeting. Neither of which activity will involve the mom-boy who keeps side-eyeing her, thank god.

  102. While some of these personally types may be anoying, there is nothing “funny” about what is depicted as “The Hungry Mom.” Eating disorders are life threatening illnesses. They have the highest mortality rate of any mental illnesses, as high as 12 percent, even for those who are receiving treatment. This is not a joke.

      1. No offence Lady Goo but you could try to be a bit more supportive and understanding to the comments you get. She was not threatening or being disrespectful in fact she was making a good point. I too read that description of the Hungry Mom and thought the same thing. Perhaps you could have said “Thank you for reading my Blog Cate. I’m sorry if you misunderstood my intentions it was not to make light of a serious thing such as an eating disorder. I appreciate your feedback.” But no you chose to be dismissive and allow your emotions to take over. If you write a Blog as I do you can’t expect every comment to be in your Gabor but you can learn how to respond in a positive way that will keep your readers.

  103. If it was satire it missed the mark badly — I love The Onion, but all I got from this was judgmental bitch writing. Also, mocking the mom who may likely have an eating disorder (brain-based biological illness that is VERY misunderstood in pop culture) so not helpful. Sometimes a writer has to acknowledge she’s missed the mark and satire just became cruelty.

  104. Love this!! I’m pajama mom, but I would NEVER get out of the car when dropping the kids off! I used to look at the other pajama moms and think why the hell would you get OUT of the car! If we can’t laugh at ourselves (or others in good fun) than we’ve all lost our minds!

  105. Your blog is what a blog reader’s dreams are made of! You totally made my night with this post. And I can 1000%. Even though my girls haven’t started school yet, the playground moms can definitely be broken down into these momegories (and how I’d love to slap a few across the mouth).
    Your sarcasm and satire approach is so refreshing, and it definitely is relatable to the moms of today, at least the ones with a real sense of humor!
    So as much as I’m not trying to use this as a shameless plug, I’d really love to hear feedback from you. I started to write a blog as well (there’s only 4 posts seeing as how lack of sleep due to a toddler’s and infant’s ridiculous sleep pattern thay causes lack of sleep causes all creativity to cease).
    I’d really love to hear your feedback…
    I’m definitely going to be following you for more refreshing reads 😁

  106. First you bash the moms that dont care of themselves for droping kids off..yet in the end you say they do take care of themselves and there all dressed..and glasses.and so on…hiprocrite..does it really matter what a “mom” should look like..i think you are busy staring at them all and doing most of the judging..

  107. PTO mom and proud of it!!! Yes you are right I will nickel and dime you can ask for your support however I can get it!!! Our PTO doesn’t raise money for the fun of it …. we fund our school’s reading interventionist program. And you know what?!?! Our parents’ show up and show out time after time. WE WORK TOGETHER FOR OUR CHILDREN!!! Sure you are being tongue and totally stereotyping us as this Betty Homemaker that has nothing better to do than to be a PTO mom. But I can’t help but take it personal. I as well as my other 3 board members work FULL TIME!! We sacrifice precious time for our children.

    1. Get over yourself Jessica. You’re a type of mom, you’ve just explained in all to bold cap type that you’re a PTO mom. Why are you getting your panties in a twist over a satirical blog. Are you and your “friends” so offended by humor that you now don’t exhibit any sense of humor at all. So you’re a paragon of virtue for sacrificing all your precious time for your children. Some day they will erect a monument in your honor. *Note the sarcasm just in case you missed it along with your funny bone.

      1. Satire is normally used to enlighten people about negative social constructs.

        “Here’s a quick rundown of the types of **troubled individuals** mothers we all know about that we DO NOT want to spend any length of time with:” – is NOT satirical.

        There are many people who find sexist jokes as offensive as racist jokes. Are you saying this is okay because it is mocking the people responsible for perpetuating our species?

  108. Not sure where to start. Lady I found this blog spot on. I am the sports mom. You definitely missed a few other moms like YOU HAVE NOTHING FUCKING BETTER TO DO MOM. Are you kidding me people??? Where the fuck did cheating come into this? How about calling Lady a cunt?? HELLO inappropriate asshole! Are these people upset because you put things in perspective for them and they cant handle it? Are they illiterate and missed the part where you put yourself in your own category? Who the hell can support women like that? I dont give a shit who you are. Everyone judges someone no matter who you are or whether you want to be honest about it. Keep blogging Lady! Hopefully this blog weeded out the assholes!

    1. Not sure where to start. Lady I found this blog spot on. I am the sports mom. You definitely missed a few other moms like YOU HAVE NOTHING FUCKING BETTER TO DO MOM. Are you kidding me people??? Where the fuck did cheating come into this? How about calling Lady a cunt?? HELLO inappropriate asshole! Are these people upset because you put things in perspective for them and they cant handle it? Are they illiterate and missed the part where you put yourself in your own category? Who the hell can support women like that? I dont give a shit who you are. Everyone judges someone no matter who you are or whether you want to be honest about it. Keep blogging Lady! Hopefully this blog weeded out the assholes! And another thing for the people that called her fat and pissed because you feel she is judgemental. HELLO????? Isnt calling someone fat a bit judgemental??? Thank you for proving my point!

  109. As someone commented – “everyone judges”. This is true, we have to for survival. Here’s the rub: it take a highly evolved, self-actualized person to do so AND be compassionate towards others. But it only takes half of common sense to remember we have no idea what other people are struggling with.

    You may see the PJ Mom looking all early morning funky… but what you don’t see is that she works after her kids go to bed so she can eat dinner with them and help them with their homework… You may envy the Perfect Mom’s beauty but what you don’t see are the scars on her body in hidden places where she’s cut herself to relieve some overwhelming emotional pain… You may be jealous of the Hungry Mom’s body or her motivation to work out, but what you don’t see is the pain & anxiety of eating disorders… You may see a Sports Mom in team gear but what you don’t see is the years of fertility treatments it took for her to have that child. You may see the PTO Mom doing so much… but what you can’t see is that she HAS to do so much because… (oh you don’t care anyway)…

    This isn’t about whether people have a sense of humor or not. It speaks VOLUMES to your level of self-hatred, if you understand the passive-aggressive aspect of humor, and what it reveals about you: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201302/the-jokes-who

    Just because something is said with a smile or “in a joke” doesn’t exempt it from social graces or simple tact. This is Andrew Dice Clay type comedy – funny/offensive but totally puerile and cowardly. My guess is that some ridiculously annoying mom inadvertently snubbed you and this is your attack…. you threw in some others to keep it passive though.

    20+ yrs ago a college prof stated in a Women’s Studies course that WOMEN are more misogynistic than men. This blog and many of the comments illustrate her point perfectly.

    Yes, blogger, you can be funny, witty, pithy and observant, it would be nice to see hone your skills and use them constructively instead of this haphazard cry for attention. It takes practice, insight, originality and talent to be able to be funny without being mean.

    Women are fighting for rights to make MEDICAL (not just abortion) decisions about their bodies right now. We DEFINITELY do not need to be attacking each other. We need to be using our talents to build each other up, not tear each other down.

    “To the moon, Alice.” was a joke (probably way before your time) but what that joke illustrated and promoted was the acceptability of violence toward women. It literally means, “I’m going to punch you so hard you will land on the moon.” Most of America watched a woman being told that she deserved to be hit hard every episode of that show. There was a time it was mainstream colloquy and always though of as “it’s just a joke” – and now we live in a rape culture where murderers who kill women get lighter sentences than those who kill men.

    Words DO hurt, they cut deep into the soul and either enlighten or damage. Be responsible, be better than this shit-slinging pile of anger.

    We don’t have the ability to love others until we can love ourselves. (You will understand this in a different way when your oldest is in their 20s). Getting strangers to click a virtual like button is not going to do this for you, it is an inside job. The first step is evident: stop being so critical of yourself.

    Finally, there’s a saying “When you point a finger at someone else, you have four pointing right back at you.”

  110. How about the Butt Hurt mom? Don’t forget about her, lol! I’m the pajama mom although I do put a bra on when I walk out the door and promptly take it back off when I get home. I’d like to be the hungry mom but food and I are way too tight!

  111. I was laughing the whole time reading this…until I was sad that my boobs don’t look that awesome without a bra…then I laughed my ass off again. 😉
    Great, and hilarious, post!

  112. This is hilarious and I can relate. I am so over these over these “Moms”. I would say I’m the bitch Mom. If I have to go into school, I walk in smile, do what I have to do and run. Sports, I put on my do not disturb, not accepting applications face.

  113. Love it. Been a Mom for 40 years (4 kids) and an Oma for 14 years (7 grandkids) and have seen all of the above over and over. Embrace all of them it Takes all kinds. Still laughing at the reality of it. Keep writing. Have a crazy ass blessed day!

  114. You forgot “working mom” who doesn’t show up b/c she is teaching other people’s kids. Sadly (or maybe not) I always miss the first day of school, assemblies, class parties and field trips because I am a teacher so my schedule is exactly the same as my kids.
    What this results in typically is other moms standing in their cliquey circle, squinting their eyes at me with tilted heads when I can show up to something. This circle is a PTA/Hungry mom blend with a dash of Perfect mom thrown in for good measure.

    Great article Lady.

  115. Very funny! The people who didn’t like your piece never would have liked the late, great, Erma Bombeck! If these poor people can’t see your humor they have some serious growing up to do!

  116. I’m surprised that so many people took offense to this post because it was clearly not intended to be critical, but to point out the types of people that we encounter each and every day at school. I was not surprised, however, that the most scathing comments came from people who did not include a link to their online identity. Better to be critical when anonymous, eh?

    How about a post about Dads to avoid… There are tons of them!

  117. I am the “Homeschooling Mom”; not because I spend my days making Dreamcatchers out of free-range yak hair with my children, Dustbowl and Quinoa, or because I teach my 15 fundamentalist spawn that evolution is the Devil’s work, but because I have SEEN the village, and I don’t want them raising my children. If having two special needs children has taught me anything, it is that children can be heartless, judgmental, and cruel. And if reading the last 300 comments on this blog has taught me anything, it’s that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Pause and ponder before responding, people. Ask yourself if you would want your child to read what you wrote…and then ask yourself how you would react if you heard that kind of vitriol pouring from their mouths.

    Namaste, y’all.

  118. My friend forwarded this post to me.
    This is the first and last time I will ever look at it, and I’m sorry I wasted my time. Hateful.
    I always tell my son that if you can’t be funny without being mean then you’re probably just not being funny, so maybetry something else. He’s 6. He already gets it.
    We’re all just doing our best. How about you write something funny about that.

    1. There was nothing mean about what she said. It was all humor. You young people need to to figure that out! It’s FUNNY AND TRUE!!

    2. I’d love to know what you do find funny. No, really. They say you can tell a lot about people by what they laugh at. Was it Robin Williams? George Carlin? The Simpsons?

      Or I Love Lucy? I’d wager it’s the latter.

  119. I find this funny because not too long ago I was telling my husband how I can’t stand all the “mommy bloggers” and beauty bloggers and fashion bloggers…. etc. Now a days everyone thinks they are experts on something.. This is what I think of the “Blogger Mommy” A sad lady with body isues that has nothing better to do!. And that is it hahaha I can’t even think of something better. So little lady writter.. I am sure you wish you were a little bit of the other mommies..

    1. There are more bloggers than there are talented writers to be sure, and you’re right about everyone thinking they’re experts on something. The thing is, those with any writing talent are keen observers. They also write the truth as they see it, good or bad. Not everybody can handle the truth, especially the lizard brains among us. And not everybody who writes about bodies has serious body issues, although I’ve never met a person who didn’t have at least SOME.

      This thread has gotten so long. I’m convinced that all the haters are just envious of the writer’s ability to capture their less attractive aspects. Good writing gets attention. She hit a nerve, brought out the pettiness of the lowest common denominator.

      And by the way, the word, writer, only has one “t”….

  120. LOL! I love this. How about the High School Mom? No, I don’t mean Moms of High School Kids. I mean Moms Who Are Grown-A$$ Women in their 30s or 40s Who Act Like They’re in High School. You know the kind! They stand in their cliques, eagerly eating up or dishing out whatever gossip they can monger rather than face the boredom that awaits at home. Who hide behind texts and post selfies hourly so they can be regularly validated by their “friends” about how they really are pretty! And silently compete with each other in a flirting (or more) contest with the “hot” dad (and by “hot” I really mean slightly above average) because that validation will still never be enough for their bottomless pit of self-esteem.

  121. Ok…clearly by judging the time it took me to scroll down to the bottom of the comments in order to make my own, this is a controversial piece. I only read the first two comments to come to that conclusion. I don’t think it seems insecure at all. I will be honest and say I am probably one of the moms that would fall into the same category that Kelly Ripa falls into. Not that I think highly of myself, but at 5’10” and 126 pounds, yes, I know people mumble, “She needs to eat a cheeseburger” behind my back. I am OK with that. But in defense of the writer, I think this is hilarious and definitely served it’s purpose…to entertain. That’s what writers do, people. Those of you that are criticizing her, clearly don’t like who you are, and are insecure. Give yourself some time to reflect on that to find the deeper meaning of why you truly don’t like this piece.;-)

  122. OMG! Just STFU! Read it and take away what you want! This post has more self-righteous yet incendiary comments than TMZ! And btw, it’s called spell check. Google it.

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