May the force be with me….

Mr. Gaga is responsible for taking care of the kids most Saturdays.

I am not at the spa.

I am not getting a pedicure or lunching with friends.

I am working most Saturdays.

Mr. Gaga will have everyone thinking that he has it very rough.  He will tell random people that he runs into at games, birthday parties, and the store that he’s a “single dad.”

When interacting with other parents of children we barely know he will find a way to steer the conversation to some point where he can announce, “Well, I do everything  because I am a single dad.”

He finds this hilarious.

Last Saturday was the first basketball games of the season for both kids.

When we all got home I asked how it went.

“Good, Sam’s coach seems nice and I saw Todd’s mom and we were talking about the Star Wars party she’s having for him next weekend.”

(Todd is Sam’s friend – we have gone out socially with his parents one time.)

“She said that we were invited to stay during the party and hang out and eat…”

“Hmm, hmm,” I said distractedly as I read my email.

“So I told her that we would bring Star Wars cookies.” he threw in nonchalantly.

Imagine this making a huge screeching noise....
Imagine this making a huge screeching noise….

“And what did she say???” I asked, hoping that this mother responded with something like “Oh no – that’s not necessary!”

“She said “Great!,” he answered.

“What??!! Why??!!!” I asked in shock.

“Well we have those cookie cutters…” he answered nonchalantly…”What’s the big deal?”

When a kind aunt that always gives my kids really cool stuff was nice enough to give us these fancy Star Wars cookie cutters from Williams Sonoma, I did what any level-headed woman would do.  I hid the box in a closet.

Sorry Aunt Sue, but this box hasn't seen the light of day since you gave it to us....
Sorry Aunt Sue, but this box hasn’t seen the light of day since you gave it to us….

Apparently Williams Sonoma thinks it’s just every mother’s dream to sit around making baked goods into the shapes of Star Wars characters.

Also – if that’s not enough activity to kill all of your time and your will to live you can also make Star Wars pancakes.

Screw you Williams Sonoma......you are an asshole...and your pancakes are assholes too.
Screw you Williams Sonoma……

And if you have completely lost your marbles…for the bargain-price of $15 you can actually flip this Darth Vader-shaped breakfast with this:

spatula

Needless to say Thursday afternoon came, and I had to get to work on the cookies. First I went to the store to purchase the 47 types of frosting I would need to create these cinematic masterpieces.

 I made the sugar cookie dough.  I hosted a playdate for Sam’s friend and then two other kids came over for dinner, while their parents were at a wake.  I baked 5 dozen sugar cookies while the kids played.

When I cleaned up from dinner and had the kids had settled at around 8 PM, it was time to start frosting the cookies.

“OK, I’m going to head up and take a shower and go to bed.” Mr. Gaga said coolly as he started up the stairs.

“Oh no you aren’t.” I said threateningly.  “You better take this black frosting and start with some Darth Vaders.”

He huffed and puffed but attempted to help while I was working diligently on my Storm Troopers.

He looked over with disgust…”What the hell is that?? That’s not a Storm Trooper…it’s a sad dog with a headband on!!!”

He had a point....
He had a point….

“WELL I’M NOT GOOD AT THIS SHIT!! THAT’S WHY I HID THE BOX TWO YEARS AGO AND NEVER TOOK IT OUT!!!!!” I yelled.

I had green and black frosting everywhere, the kitchen was trashed and I was delirious.

“I hope you are happy…from now on when you go to games or birthday parties keep your mouth shut!” I said with disgust.

By 9 o’clock he had completely abandoned ship.

I spent the entire night cursing him and George Lucas.

I was seeing double and exhausted when I finally finished all of the cookies.

But then they looked absolutely horrible…nothing like the box.  Nothing like Williams Sonoma told me they would look like…

I made Mr. Gaga come look at the cookies.

“I can’t see straight…my back and eyeballs are killing me….but does this just look like an entire rack of Saddam Hussein cookies?? That’s all I see.”

photo
I ate the cookie on the bottom left because it looked like some sort of Arab dictator with sunglasses on….and I didn’t think that would be appropriate for a kids’ party.

“No they look fine!” he said wearily. “Just go to bed!”

“I can’t go to bed now!! I still have to do Boba Fett’s black trim and the red dots in the Yoda eyes!!”

In the end – they came out decent enough…..

4 cookies
This is not exactly what the ass-hats at Williams Sonoma had in mind…but it will have to do.

I think that the people who come up with these crafty little ideas at the Williams Sonoma corporation should be held accountable for the hours of torture they inflict on people…..

But in the meantime, in case you were wondering …I am the best mother ever.

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PLEASE CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME IN A VERY IMPORTANT CONTEST THAT I NEED DESPERATELY TO WIN FOR MY POOR SELF-ESTEEM…THE CONTEST CLOSES IN A FEW WEEKS AND YOU CAN VOTE ONCE A DAY!!! THANK YOU !! THANK YOU!!!

XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA

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http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/lady-goo-goo-gaga?blogroll_id=89#_

50 thoughts on “May the force be with me….

  1. This post is too funny. I also work on Saturday so Lance does the same thing. He has everyone believing that he is a single dad he does everything. When he tells you that’s not true Remind him that he is the team mom for the cheerleading team.

      1. Wait – I hope you guys are really married – or this is weird….
        If you are I love that you are both bloggers and reading my blog together!!! This will allow me to forgive your Mr. Gaga-like ways….

  2. WOW, I’d say those cookies look great. Don’t be so hard on yourself on pin your self-esteem on cookies or contests. Sounds like you’re doing a great job on both!

  3. Those look great! Someone gave my son the Lightening McQueen set and the Marvel set of those cookie cutters, I just make the dough and let him cut out the cookies and then eat them with no frosting. I’m mean like that

  4. If it makes you feel any better…my 4 year old clearly identified each character and then asked if we could make some TODAY! A couple of years ago I got suckered into making Hello Kitty ones for a friend… And yet every time she has a party for her girls…I ask if she needs anything…someday I’ll learn! You always make me laugh!

  5. I have a Snow White cookie kit from William Sonoma that was also given as a gift. It was hidden immediately in the back of a high cabinet! What kind of time do these assholes think mothers have?

  6. Ha! You’re a more patient woman than I by leaps and bounds. I would have been like, “You said ‘we’ would bring the Star Wars cookies? What ‘we’? You’re a single dad, right? Good luck, Obi Wan.”

    And I totally agree: Williams Sonoma makes no sense on sooooooo many different levels.

  7. You are the best mother ever. And wife. I would have pranced out of the kitchen saying something like “you’re on your own.” I love to cook and bake, but decorating things with frosting is totally out of my league.

  8. I laughed SO HARD at this! omg – Saddam Hussein cookies…and yes…that one does look like an Arab dictator with sunglasses. The dog one? I had just said to myself “He had a point” and then I scrolled down and read “He had a point.” Thanks for the laughs! You should send the pics to nailedit.com. That site is full of hilarious unattainable baked good idealism. My favorite line was “I spent the entire night cursing him and George Lucas.” *claps* Bravo!

  9. This is hysterical. Funny how men come up with these fabulous ideas, then try and bow out when the time comes to deliver the goods. I love that you made him help, and the end results are actually not bad at all. You may need to donate those cookie cutters to Goodwill or a crafty friend to avoid a repeat performance!!

  10. Oh man, I have been there! Not with Star Wars cookies, but with other cookies that made me want to run away and join the circus.
    You did a GREAT job with those bad boys!!

  11. You ARE the best mom ever. Just so you know, I’d never take that shit out of the cupboard like your husband did. In fact, I’d toss in the trash the same day we got it. . . :)

  12. I despise making cookies, especially sugar. I hate cookie cutters and I really hate decorating cookies. I think they look perfect for something you did in on evening for the first time! Your husband owes you.

  13. Oh.My.God. I can’t believe your husband volunteered Star Wars themed cookies. How about a bag of Oreos? But why didn’t you have him up all night making the damn cookies. If he wants to volunteer, then he can make them. You did an excellent job though. Yoda’s your specialty. Great post & thx for finding me on FB. I saw you on the Circle of Moms contest too & instantly liked your tag line.

  14. We have those Star Wars pancake molds and they are a bitch to use and clean, LOL! I would have pretended the cookie cutters didn’t exist, too. TOO FUNNY!

  15. This reminds me so much of those pins on Pinterest where they “NAILED IT”… but didn’t. You? You actually knocked it out of the park and I bow to your greatness. Hilarious post and great story. :)

  16. You know the most important part about cookies? It’s not how they look. It’s how they taste! The stomach doesn’t care if it looks like a sad dog or a Storm Trooper. And now I’m hungry for sugar cookies!

  17. I would SO have re-gifted those Star Wars cookie cutters. Or hid them as you did. My neighbor gave my daughter this Wilton “Topping Tornado” (google it) which is the dumbest, messiest waste of cabinet space ever. I hid that shit so fast. I can’t WAIT for the next girl bday party to dump it off.

    ~chink~ that my wine glass bumpin’ yours, GaGa. You NAILED IT as far as I’m concerned!

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